Control
by Kitty Cullen-03
Summary: Bella needs help sleeping after a series of nightmares keeps her awake. She asks Jasper to help. He gets a taste of control that he hasn't had in a long time-how far will he go?
1. Chapter 1

**Bella can't sleep after coming home from Italy. Who better to help than Jasper? But he finds that she's incredibly receptive to him. And he likes it. How far will he go? **

**Picks up after New Moon-will not be Eclipse compliant. Starts off with canon couples. **

I heard the door downstairs open-great. Bella was here again. Not that I had anything against the girl, but she just _smelled so good._ I heard Edward hiss at me from downstairs, berating me for my negative thoughts. _Yeah, yeah…_ I started towards the door, but Alice rushed past me and practically knocked me out of the way. "What's the rush?" I asked.

"Edward wants to take a quick hunt. Esme is outside, but I just wanted to let you know. Bella will be staying here." She was looking a little sad. And here lately, it's like...like she's been trying to hide some emotion from me-and I can feel it. But it's so snarled up with everything that I can't get a read on it. Ever since she came home from Italy, it's been there.

"Thanks for telling me. I'll try to stay up here." I figured she was warning me against going downstairs, lest I harm the girl. She quirked her head at me and sat down on the bed. I followed, and I couldn't help but feel anxious.

"That's not why I told you. Bella is going to ask you for something while we're gone. I just wanted you to be prepared." Whatever emotion she was hiding from me surged for a moment and then vanished. What could Bella possibly want from me?

"Can you tell me what she wants, so I can be better prepared?"

"I don't think so. It's best if it comes straight from her. Sorry." And she tore out of the room like a tiny little tornado. I heard the front door open and close as Edward and Alice took off into the woods. I waited, not sure what I wanted to do, when I heard Bella's quiet footsteps creeping up the stairs. I could smell her from the hall-I walked over to the window and opened it. Maybe if I had some air circulating it wouldn't be so unbearable in here when she entered. Bella knocked.

"Come in, Bella," I said, bracing myself. When she entered, it was like...a train hit me. Hard. Her blood was like honey-sticky and sweet and clinging to every surface in the room. Clinging to me. I focused on holding my breath.

"I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute." She whispered. I motioned for her to sit in the chair near the window. Not like it would help, but at least I put forth the effort. I nodded for her to continue.

She took a deep breath. "Here's the thing. I've been having...nightmares. Since we came back from Italy. All I can see is..._them..._every time I close my eyes. So I'm pretty much not sleeping." And I'm supposed to do what about this?

"And you think that I can help you?" I was trying to stay polite. And then she blushed. The blood rushed to her cheeks in an unbearable way, and I had to lock my jaw closed to keep from leaping across the space between us..._enough, Jasper!_

"Yes, actually. I think so, anyway. You can control emotions and such. And I remember when we were down in Phoenix-you almost put me to sleep once. So I thought...if maybe...you could do that again?" She let out a breath. I really couldn't understand this girl-not for a moment. She had to know how dangerous I was for her, didn't she remember?

"Bella, do you really think that's a good idea? And what about Edward-didn't you talk to him about this?" I was frowning at her. She stuck out her bottom lip, looking worried.

"I think it's a good idea! The dreams come as soon as I close my eyes. So...maybe if you just _put _me to sleep, I could stay asleep on my own. Easy. And no-I didn't ask Edward. But he knows I've been having trouble, and I'm sure he'd be okay with it." She looked down at the floor as she spoke the last line.

"Forgive me, but if he was okay with it why did you wait until he left to approach me?" I gave her a knowing look.

"Okay, you got me there. But he's gone right now, so could we just...try?" I rolled my eyes.

"As soon as he enters the house he's going to know. He may not be able to read your mind, but he certainly can read mine."

"Oh-right. Well, if he has a problem with it he can come to me. It's not like I'm risking my life-I just want to get some sleep!" She sounded exasperated, and she really did look tired. There were bags under her eyes, her hair fell limply to her shoulders, and she was paler than normal. I think I could try, at least. If I kept myself in the doorway, I could influence her across the room, and as soon as she was asleep I could leave. Edward would be mad at first, but he'd get over it quickly once he saw that it was actually helping Bella. I sighed.

"Fine. I'll help. Let's get you into Edward's room. I'll stay near the door, and as soon as you go to sleep I'm leaving." I didn't want to sound bitter, but she _just smelled so good..._she danced away, smiling, all the way to Edward's room. She curled up under the covers in record time, not even bothering to change clothes. I kept my distance, and it wasn't so bad here. "Close your eyes," I commanded. I sent her an extremely powerful wave of lethergy. It worked almost instantaneously. Her body releaxed, and within minutes she was snoring. I made sure she was in a deep sleep and then turned to leave the room.

Not 15 minutes later, Edward and Alice returned. When they noticed that Bella was no longer downstairs, they both came into my room.

"Where's Bella?" Edward asked. I could feel his worry. _Yes, Edward, your greatest fears have come to life. I ate her while you were gone._ Fool. He looked at me and growled lowly.

"She's asleep, in _your _room." _Thanks to me._ I thought. Oops.

"What do you mean by that?" Apparently I'm no good at keeping secrets.

"Bella asked me to help her sleep. She told me that she had been having nightmares about Italy, and asked if I could use my powers to put her to sleep. I did, and now she's asleep." I felt his anger rise. "Don't be like that! I _helped_ her. What's the problem?" I saw him trying to come up with something to say.

"Nothing, I guess. I just wish she would have waited for me to come home first." _She was probably afraid you'd freak out_ I thought. Just then, we heard Bella emit just a small moan-I could feel the fear, mingled with sleep, seeping into my room.

"She must be having a nightmare. I'll go and fix it." I said, walking out of the room and down the hall. Alice and Edward were on my heels. Naturally. I barely pushed the door open, again hitting Bella with a strong wave of lethargy. She was still in no time. I turned to them. "I'm going to take a walk. I'll be back soon." Alice looked at me worriedly, but she didn't say anything. On my way past them, I saw Edward look at Alice with a question on his face. When I reached the door, I heard him ask her, "What are you trying to hide from me?" I kept walking. When I felt like I was a safe distance away, I sat down and faced the stars.

I have used my powers on humans before. Hell, I've used them on _Bella_ before. I knew that her mind was protected and strong. But her body was weak to my powers. I never thought of it like that. And I couldn't help the small surge of joy that I had, even though I regretted having it. It was...the fact that I had such utter control of her. I could make her feel anything. I sat up and shook my head. What was I thinking? Where did that even come from? Bella was family, after all.

**A brief introduction-I hope you like the idea. Please, let me know if you do! I love reviews. And don't hesitate to ask me any questions-if I can, I'll answer them!**


	2. Just One More Time

**Thank you all for such an overwhelming response to my first chapter! I have a feeling this is going to be a nice, long story. I've had several people ask me what kind of pairing this is going to end up as. And to be honest, I have it in my head one way, but I'm not sure it will end up like that. So all I will say is let's just let the story take it's course and see where we go! I hope I don't lose any of you because of this, but I want to make this as realistic as possible (realistic as in sparkly vampires realistic ;)) and I won't write something that isn't right. So stick with me, because I have a feeling this is going to be fun!**

Bella slept all night.

I, on the other hand, left as soon as she was good and asleep. I needed to get away from the house, because there were thoughts percolating in my head that I needed to keep to myself. Thankfully nobody said anything to me on the way out, and I made it to the woods successfully alone. I perched myself in a tree and just gave myself over to what I had been thinking about earlier.

In my early years, my _job_ to control hoards of newborn vampires with my power. I used it to my full advantage, and I did it well. It's how I became so good at handling it. And, granted, the newborns were fairly pliable, but they weren't always easy. They influenced each other. As for humans, I would use my power to calm them down in order to feed. I didn't like to feel their strong emotions while I was taking their lives, so I would anesthetize them in order to make it easier on myself. Once I found my new family, I used it on very rare occasions when emotions would get the best of someone-such was the case when we were in Phoenix and both Bella and Alice needed to relax.

But last night with Bella was different. I've never had anyone, let alone a human, ask for my help before. Yes, I've had people ask me to help others, but it was usually without their knowledge. It was a very powerful feeling, for me to be in absolute control. And Bella was very pliable. Her mind was blocked completely from people like Edward and Jane, but her body was an entirely different story. She had absolutely no defenses.

But what bothered me the most was how I _felt_ about it. I liked it. _Really _liked it. I liked the fact that I could make her feel what I wanted her to feel, when I wanted her to feel it. I don't know why, though! I've always had this power. And I've used it to my advantage on many occasions. But it's never made me feel like _this. _And then it hit me.

Trust.

Bella trusted me. She trusted me enough to approach me, alone, and ask me to do that for her. She trusted me to not abuse my power-hell. It probably didn't even cross her mind that I _could_ abuse it. Then again, she didn't really know everything about my past and all of the things I had done. All she knows of me is what I've done with the Cullens.

Surprisingly, it made me a little angry. Why did she trust me? I've given her absolutely no reason to do so. In fact, I tried very hard to attack her just months ago. But she forgave me. But then again, this was the same girl who consorts with an entire family of vampires. She has no sense of the danger she is in every day. We may hide it, but every single one of us feels her blood, every day. We want it. Every day. But she was with us like nothing was wrong. Like we were normal. I just couldn't understand.

I'm afraid of what will happen when she asks me again. I will help her-that much is certain. I've already told her I would. I don't want to feel that…high again. There is a reason why I'm at 'the bottom of the totem pole' with the Cullens, and it was because I don't handle control very well. (Being that I have very little control in general, I could see why.) I was always the one being baby-sat. Someone was always with me, making sure I did the right thing.

I looked at the sky and was surprised to realize the sun was setting. I had been out here all day. I took a deep breath and prepared to lock away my thoughts from today-the last thing I needed was for Edward to hear what I had been thinking about today.

I strolled into the house. Alice was perched on the back of the couch, braiding Bella's hair while Edward sat between her legs on the floor, watching TV. Bella smiled at me when I came in.

"Jasper! Thanks for last night. I haven't slept like that in ages! Alice cleared me with Charlie to stay over here for the weekend-would you mind helping me out some more?" _Just helping a friend. That's all I was doing. Just helping._

"Sure. Just let me know when you're ready for bed, and I'll work my magic." I grinned at her, playing nonchalant. She smiled and nodded, and I headed upstairs. It wasn't long before Alice joined me.

She padded into the room, letting slip the smile she had on downstairs. "Jazz, I'm worried."

"What about?" I asked, cringing a little. But I hadn't decided anything, I was just thinking!

"I can't see you." What?

"What do you mean? I don't understand."

"I'm not seeing you in my visions anymore. It's like you've gone all blurry, and after a while you completely disappear. I don't know why, and it worries me. The last vision I had of you was when Bella came and asked you for a favor. I wanted to take a trip, so last night I looked to see if we would be safe, and you weren't there."

"Maybe I don't want to go on the trip and that's why you didn't see me." This revelation was very…strange.

"I don't think that's it. I can't see Bella either. It's like you're there, but you're not. You're just…not clear. At all." She was pushing her bottom lip out and she was projecting a strong current of worry.

"Have you talked to Carlisle?"

"Not yet. I wanted to know if you had any theories." What in the world could I possibly add to this?

"Alice, I have no idea. I'm not planning on going anywhere, so there's no reason why I should be disappearing from your visions. I would talk to Carlisle." She nodded, but left the room for Carlisle's study. I could feel her worry down the hall.

"Jasper?" I heard Bella whisper from Edward's room, and I was glad for the distraction. It bothered me that Alice couldn't see me anymore, and it bothered me more that Bella was disappearing too. I walked into Bella's room, where she was curled under the covers in her pajamas. Edward wasn't there.

"Where's Edward?" I asked.

"Alice must have said something about needing to talk to him, so he went with her into Carlisle's study. Is that a problem?" she asked, frowning slightly.

"No, it's fine. I was just wondering. Get comfortable and close your eyes." I was surprised at the tone of voice I used with her, but she complied. Just like the night before, I covered her with a blanket of deep lethargy, and she fell asleep very quickly. I listened for anyone in the other rooms, but I heard nothing. Alice, Edward and Carlisle must be deep in conversation. So I wanted to try something.

I looked at Bella, who was sleeping rather peacefully after such a short amount of time. I wonder if it's possible to make her dream? I knew that Bella was an avid sleep-talker, so if I focused my energy enough on her and this worked, surely she'd say _something_ about what she was dreaming. So I tried something simple. I tried to make her dream about me. I tried to send her my energy-it's the best way to explain it. I made her feel the way I was feeling, and I mingled my 'essence' into it. It was the first time I'd ever tried anything like this, so I wasn't sure how effective it would be. It was like I was sending her a part of me. For a brief moment I thought I might be crazy.

"Jasper…" Bella mumbled. My eyes shot up. Did it work?! "Jasper…so confused. Why…?" She mumbled again, rolling over. And I pulled the blanket of emotions from her and ran from the room. She was dreaming about me, and she knew I was feeling conflicted. Why shouldn't I be? What did I just do? She didn't ask me to do that. I don't experiment with my powers on unconscious people, especially my brother's girlfriend. What was I thinking! Then I heard Carlisle's study door open and that was the last time I thought about what I had done the rest of the night.

**I want to clarify something-I'm not trying to give Jasper extra powers here. But the way I see it, if he can influence the total emotions of someone, and that includes making them feel what he is feeling, I feel like this is plausable. Be that as it may, I promise that I won't go hog wild and make him do that alot. I just wanted you to see the ideas turning in his head. Okie dokie?**


	3. Let's Take a Trip

**Disclaimer: Characters don't belong to me!**

**Thank you to all of you who reviewed-I greatly appriciate it! Please, keep them coming!**

A month. It had been a month since my appalling little experiment. Bella had spent the night here on several occasions, and on each of them I helped her sleep. And that was all. Alice was becoming increasingly frustrated. Now, instead of Bella and I just being 'fuzzy,' we were popping in and out of appearance. As in, sometimes we were there in visions, and sometimes we weren't. In the same vision. It was almost to the point that Alice was going to quit looking, and that was saying something.

The weather was nice so we were all down at the river, swimming. Bella and Edward were across from me-Bella was splashing Edward playfully, and he allowed it. Rosalie had only her feet in the water while Emmett lurked about underneath her. I could feel his playfulness, so I assumed he was going to try and pull her under. Alice was sitting across from me as well, a smirk on her face as she prepared to dunk Bella. Carlisle and Esme were resting on the bank as their children played. It was nice and relaxing, just enjoying the sun. In fact, I was so engrossed with the warmth that I didn't feel the anguish coming from across the river.

"Alice?" Edward called, alerting my attention. I turned to look at her, noticing immediately that she was in a vision. Edward was leaning forward, reading into her, when she jumped up and leapt out of the river, taking off towards the house. Both Edward and I stood up, but I turned and looked at him. _"Whatever it is, you're not meant to see right now. That's why she left, I think. I'll follow, you stay with the others."_ He was frustrated, but he nodded in agreement. I took off, following her light scent into the house. When I entered, Alice was sitting on the couch taking deep, gasping breaths. My God, I've never felt her that upset before…

"Alice, sugar, what happened?" I asked, pulling her into my lap. Surprisingly, she pulled away. She looked at me, looking deeply.

"Jasper, do you love me?" she was frowning.

"What kind of question is that? Of course I love you!"

She nodded. "Okay. Okay…" She breathed, like she was unsure what to say next. I was growing increasingly worried. Alice was frantic. "I have to take a trip."

"Trip? Where? I'll go with you," I said, trying once again to pull her into my lap. She still wouldn't allow it.

"NO! No. You have to stay. It's important that you stay." She said, and she was so upset that I could barely stand it.

"Where are you going?" I whispered.

"To Italy. The Volturi need something from me, and if I don't go they'll come here. We don't need that. I won't be gone long, and I won't be in any danger." She stood up and headed for our room.

"What do they want? Are you sure you don't want me to go? Maybe Emmett or Edward?" Her head snapped in my direction. She was considering it. I saw her close her eyes, searching the possibilities.

"Edward. I want Edward to come with me. Will you go and get him, please? Tell the family. And tell them-tell them I won't be gone long." Without another word she turned and flew up the stairs. I ran back to the river, more hurt than worried. Why would she rather have Edward than myself? And I could have smacked myself for even being worried about it. After all, _I_ wasn't the one who could read minds. As I thought, everyone was waiting for me, looking worried.

"Alice needs to go to Italy. The Volturi need something from her, and it's the only way to keep them away. She says she's not in any danger, but she would like for Edward to accompany her. She wants you to know she won't be gone long." I saw Bella, paling at the thought of the Volturi as she clutched to Edward.

"I don't want you to go," she whispered. Esme walked over to her and sat down.

"If Alice says they'll be okay, I'm sure it will be fine. And you can stay with us, if you like, so you'll be here when they call." She was stroking Bella's hair.

"It's for Alice's safety that I go, love. I promise nothing will happen." It was Edward's turn to comfort her.

"I know. I just…I can't stand the thought of you leaving." I saw Edward's cringe and felt his remorse as he remembered leaving Bella the first time.

"And believe me, I don't want to leave. But I want to keep Alice safe, and you'll be safe here with my family. We'll be home soon, I'm sure." He kissed the top of her head.

"I know that. And I want Alice to be safe, too. Okay. Just promise me you guys will hurry back." She smiled.

"I promise. I'd better get back to the house-I'm sure Alice is ready to go." Everyone else stood up to follow.

"Why don't we all go, so we can give the two of them a proper goodbye?" Carlisle asked. So we ran back to the house, where Edward was right-Alice was sitting on the porch, bags surrounding her, looking dejected. Bella ran straight to Alice, throwing her arms around her neck.

"Please hurry back!" she cried as Alice patted her on the head.

"We will. It's nothing, really. And the only reason I'm even asking Edward is because he can use his little gift to help me out. So see? No danger." Bella laughed tearfully. The rest of us gathered, hugging and sending our well wishes, as the two of them got into Edward's Volvo and drove down the driveway. I didn't notice until they were gone, but Alice didn't even kiss me goodbye.

"So Bella! I'm going to call Charlie and clear so you can stay here for a while. Is that okay with you? And then I'll go shopping for food. You just make a list of anything you'd like, and I'd be happy to get it for you." Esme was so happy with Bella that it almost made me roll my eyes. Bella smiled, but I could tell she wasn't happy.

"You don't have to do that, Esme. I can buy my own food."

"Nonsense. I haven't made Carlisle go food shopping yet-I think it will be fun. And I want to-I like to. So please, don't hurt my feelings by purchasing your own food." I outright laughed at Esme trying to pull the guilt card out on Bella-who so righteously bought it. Her cheeks flaming, she went inside to make a grocery list. Esme followed, looking smug.

"Speaking of shopping, Emmett and I are going to Seattle for the weekend. I'm in dire need of new summer clothes." Rosalie chimed, already heading towards the car. Carlisle waved them away and then turned his attention to me.

"It looks like it will just be the four of us for a while. Are you okay, son?" I must have looked worried.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm just concerned with how quickly things moved this afternoon. I feel that there was more urgency than Alice let on. But I trust her, and I trust Edward."

"As do I. I'll worry while they are away, but I don't feel that they are in any danger. So let's go inside-Bella has picked a movie out for the four of us." He grinned. Bella had him wrapped around her little finger.

"Wonderful. I'm sure it's something I _haven't _seen a hundred times." I laughed sarcastically with my father. I didn't really mind watching a movie, but as long as I've been around? I've seen a few. I sat on the end of the couch as Bella took the other side. Carlisle and Esme sat on the loveseat, and Bella ate popcorn. We watched _A Walk to Remember._

**I know this one was a bit short, but it was necessary. Once we get into the thick of it, I promise they'll be a bit longer. **

**When the cats are away, the mice will play!**


	4. I Wanna Be Dirty

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**Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Please, keep them coming!**

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"Jasper-Esme and I are going into town for a while. I'll have my cell phone with us if you need me. I believe that Rosalie and Emmett will be staying in the city another day, as well. We'll try to be back sometime tonight, but I'm not making any promises. Esme's got a project in mind, and when she gets going she's unstoppable." He smiled, touching me on the shoulder on his way through the doorway. Bella came downstairs.

"Are you leaving?" she asked, sitting on the lowest step.

"Just for a while. Esme's got some shopping she'd like to do. You'll be okay with Jasper here, right?" he asked, and I could feel his undercurrent of worry, like he hadn't thought of that until now.

"Yep, I'll be fine. Have fun!" She replied, jumping up and heading to the living room. "I'm just going to rest on the couch for a bit." Carlisle watched her retreat, and then beckoned me closer.

"Will _you_ be alright alone here with Bella?" he asked. I frowned. I was never going to live down that one little slip up. And I hadn't even touched her! Need I remind everyone that it was _Edward_ who very nearly took her life while she lay on the floor in that ballet studio? Wasn't it Carlisle who had to pull him off of her? But of course they didn't tell Bella that. No. Edward had stopped in time, because he loved her so much. Liar. I was angry.

"I'll be fine. She's in no more danger with me than she is with the _rest_ of the family." I told him, subtly reminding him of said incident. He nodded, and then joined Esme in the car. In a moment of spite, I thought that maybe I _should_ tell Bella about that night. And then I could tell her _all_ of the other things my family was hiding from her, like the fact that Rosalie had wanted to end her life right after her car accident. Of course, I was behind that as well, but she already knew I had a taste for her blood. I was sick to death of this mess. I was never trusted, not even by my own wife. Except for Bella. Even after my slip, she asked me to help her sleep. To watch her in such a vulnerable position, she must have known that I could have taken her at any time. I still could, and now we were alone. But yet here she sat.

She was curled up on the couch, watching me carefully as I walked through to join her. "A little help?" she smiled weakly. I chuckled, and then nodded. It was very easy to put her to sleep-she was under almost instantly. I watched her for a while. She really was pretty, I could see what Edward saw in her. She wasn't stereotypically pretty, but comfortable in her own skin. Not as confident as she could be, either, but what teenager was? She was tossing a little bit, and I was worried that she was going to fall off of the couch. I noticed that she was flushed-the blanket must be too warm. I walked forward and pulled it off of her. She was wearing a pair of biker shorts and a tank top-her 'lounge around' clothes, as she called them. And I was right to pull the blanket off-she was too hot. The tank top was sticking to her skin, and I surprised myself by the feelings of lust I was putting off. But it was only natural-I was a man, was I not?

I remembered the other night, when Bella said my name because I made her. I _made_ her. And we were alone-Alice and Edward in Italy, Rosalie and Emmett in the city, Carlisle and Esme shopping…and shouldn't I try to expand my powers? Isn't that what the gifted did? It's not like I would hurt her, either. And she wouldn't know it was me.

So I tried it again.

And since I was feeling less than gentlemanly at the moment, that's exactly what I put out. Either I couldn't help myself, or I didn't want to help myself. I didn't know the difference anymore. All I knew was that I _liked_ having this control over her. Nobody else trusted me, why should she? Maybe I should give her a reason not to. I let the man in me take over-forgetting Alice and Edward, and only allowing myself to think about the girl in front of me, and what I'd like to see her do.

"Mmm…" it came out as a whisper at first, and if I hadn't been a vampire I wouldn't have noticed. I also wouldn't have noticed the hardened little pebbles that had risen up to strain the fabric of her shirt. But I did. I wanted to run my hand down her chest.

She did it for me. I nearly came undone at this-like she was a mind reader and knew exactly what I wanted. Perhaps I was just concentrating hard enough to make it happen. So I tried again. Just the site of her like that on the couch, hand resting on her stomach, hot with heat and fire…I wanted to touch her where no one else had. Her smell lit up the room, and for once it wasn't her blood calling my name.

Her hand moved further down, past her belly button, and I had to close my eyes or I would have acted on impulse. "Jasper…." She whispered-I bared my teeth out of sheer desire. Instinct moved me closer to her-I was now directly in front of her, no longer keeping my distance. I wasn't trying to control my lust, instead letting it seep around her, just to see what happened. Her hand moved in little circles around her most private place, and I could feel how much she wanted it. How much _I_ wanted it. God, did I want it. I hovered over her, so ridiculously turned on that I could barely move. But I didn't want to stop-didn't know if I could. She was acting out my fantasy for me.

Her hips gave a little jerk, and I growled. I desperately wanted to grab and pull and suck until I couldn't anymore. Her other hand moved up and granted my wish, pulling lightly on her nipple through her shirt. She was frantic now, desperate for release, and I wanted it bad-I wanted to see that. "Oh…"she cried, almost imperceptibly, and her body shuddered involuntarily as she reached my goal. I was breathing hard as she rolled to her side, falling into a deep sleep once again.

Oh. My. God.

Then I ran. I ran outside, trying to clear my head and come to my senses, because apparently I didn't have many left. That was my brother's girlfriend. My wife's best friend. And I had just…influenced her to…to what? Act out my own personal fantasy? That was exactly it. I took control again. And I took it too far.

I liked it. No-I _loved_ it. She whispered my name. She'd done everything I wanted her to do. And the best part was she would just think it was a dream. It made me feel freedom like I hadn't felt in a long time-since before I met Alice.

I heard footsteps behind me. I turned to look, and Bella was standing a few feet away. I felt a strong course of embarrassment from her, and her cheeks blushed.

"What's wrong?" I asked. I wouldn't tell her that I knew _exactly_ what was wrong.

"What? Nothing. I just had a bad dream. I woke up alone, and I thought I'd come and see where you were. So what's up?" she said.

"I was just thinking. It's not important. What would you like to do this afternoon? Your wish is my command." After all, I owed it to her. She thought for a moment.

"It's still warm. I'd like to go swimming, if you want to come."

"Sounds good to me. Is your suit still here?"

"I think so. If not, I'm sure Alice has something stashed around here for me-she never lets me have one of anything." She chuckled, and I felt a stab of remorse. Alice. But I wouldn't think about that now-after all, it's not like I _touched_ Bella or anything.

"Fantastic. So let's go back to the house, and we can change." She nodded and turned back towards the house.

Heaven knows I could use a dip in the pool.


	5. Alone

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I must have completely lost my mind. I wasn't thinking anymore, I was just doing and I was certain that was going to get me into quite a bit of trouble. True, Alice couldn't see me right now-for reasons unknown to all of us, but Edward didn't have any trouble with _his_ gift. As soon as he came back, he would know, because I was so far deep into this that I couldn't hide it. And then I'm sure he'll try to kill me. But I couldn't force myself to worry about that right now. It was simple-I didn't care.

"I'm ready, Jasper," Bella said as she came down the stairs, wrapped in a towel. She was feeling exceedingly modest and a little bit embarrassed.

I motioned towards the door. "Alright, sugar, let's go." _Sugar?_ The southern in me was leaking out. She blushed a little, but grinned at the term of endearment. We walked in silence towards the edge of the river. Bella paused, watching me get into the water. She was looking at me in a strange way, feeling confused. It wasn't like this was the first time she'd seen me this way, we've been swimming with the family before. "Are you coming in, or would you rather just stay on the bank?" I asked. I don't understand why she's being so apprehensive! With a sigh, Bella folded the towel and placed it on the ground before slowly walking into the water. Her swimsuit was a black one-piece. Very modest, but it showed off her curves in a very delightful way. I shook my head, trying not to let my thoughts wander down that avenue again.

Once in the water, Bella didn't move. "What's wrong?" I asked, at this point completely perturbed.

"Nothing. I'm just…I'm worried about Edward and Alice. You know that he hasn't called me since he left? Why do you think that is?" She was frowning.

"Alice hasn't called me either. I'm not sure. Perhaps it's best that they don't. Maybe there's something they're not allowed to share-it would be very easy for them to be caught, especially with Aro's gift. Whatever it is, I'm sure the reason is good." I didn't believe myself, but there was no reason for her to worry. I was trying very hard not to think about the fact that I hadn't heard from my wife since she left. And it _was_ strange that Edward hadn't called Bella, considering his feelings for her. But I wasn't going to dwell on it, not right now. I'd speak with Carlisle later.

"You're right. I'm worrying for nothing." She relaxed back into the water, moving her arms back and forth as she floated across the surface. I watched her for a moment, enjoying the way the water lapped at her sides.

I laid myself back and rested on the water, but I was unable to float-thanks to our heavy body density. I closed my eyes and listened to Bella floating around me. She wasn't paying attention to where she was going, so before long I felt her bump into me. What I didn't expect to feel was the electric shock that followed-it startled me so much I sat up too fast for her to follow me. She jerked her head in my direction, flailing around while she searched for footing. I saw her head go under water, and I acted on instinct.

I knew she wasn't in danger, that she could swim. But I couldn't stop myself from diving below and grabbing her by the waist. When we surfaced, her face was glaring with shock and alarm.

"What did you do that for?" she asked, out of breath. Her hair was dripping around her face and her cheeks were pink-she was beautiful. I couldn't think of anything else-not Alice, or Edward, or any of the family-all I wanted in that moment was for Bella to kiss me. I wanted it _bad._ And then I remembered that I could _make _her kiss me, if I wanted it. I let my hand slide just a little up her side while I focused on what I wanted-on how she made me feel. All of that lust. Her eyes became lidded before too long, and she leaned forward. A low growl escaped my throat in anticipation as I watched her close her eyes and move towards me. Her lips brushed mine, and that was all I needed. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her tight as I let my mouth take over, kissing her like I was sure she'd never been kissed before. She let out a little breathy moan, and I swear it was the single most beautiful sound I have ever heard. Her hands clung to my hair, scratching at my scalp with the need to pull me closer.

"Jasper? Bella? Where are you?" It was Esme, and she was coming this way-fast. Bella pulled away, eyes wide with shock. She was ashamed, embarrassed and turned on all at once. She quickly swam to the bank and grabbed her towel, moving in the direction of Esme's voice. I couldn't move, or I would give myself away. So I waited for a few minutes, while Esme and Bella went back up to the house.

"I'll be up in a minute," I called, so she wouldn't come back.

Oh, God. It was one thing to try this when she was sleeping, although that was deplorable too, but when she was awake? To make her do something like that? But it wasn't against her will, not really. _Yes, it was!_ I screamed at myself, the inner turmoil chewing at my brain. I was lusting after her, so I took what I wanted by means of my gift. I made myself feel like it wasn't my fault, if Bella was the one making the move. And I'm sure she thought that's exactly what happened, because she would never dream of me using my gift in such an awful way.

And then I thought of Alice. Alice, who had been acting strange around me for weeks. Alice, who hasn't called me to let me know she's okay. I was a little bit mad at her, but I knew I was only trying to place blame on someone else. I got out of the river and snuck back up to the house, hoping Bella didn't hear me. I was going to call Alice.

The phone rang only once before her soprano voice picked up. _"Hey,"_ she said, sounding forlorn.

"What's the matter? Why haven't you called?" I was worried. Something wasn't right.

"_I haven't called because I lied to you, Jasper." _What? Not that I have any room to be mad, considering my recent actions, but that didn't mean I was any less curious.

"What are you talking about, Alice?" I heard her take a deep breath. Odd, considering it was unnecessary.

"_I have been…struggling for some time with some recent visions of my future. My future does not include you. I can't see what happens to you, which you already know, but what I can see…well, it involves myself and someone else."_

"Someone…else. Why didn't you tell me?"

"_Because I didn't want to! I don't want it to be like this, Jasper! But I can't see any way around it. But I owe it to myself to follow this path. From what I can see, I'm happy, Jasper. Genuinely happy. And this person is good for me, I just know it. I can't go for the rest of my existence having these visions and not following through." _Wow. I couldn't help the hurt that swelled up around me like a balloon. I had made mistakes, I knew that! But I did love Alice. I do.

"So is this the end? Is this why you went to Italy?" I knew the answer before I posed the question.

"_I think so. Don't ever doubt my love for you, Jasper. But I can't continue like this. I'm waiting for him here."_ I couldn't doubt her love, because I felt it all the time. It was genuine. And that made it worse.

"And why did you take Edward?" That didn't really make sense, unless she was going to extremes to protect her lie. Edward would know all about this by now.

"_I saw something of him, as well. He had business in Italy as well, and this was the easiest way I could get him to follow. He'll come home, but I don't know when. I won't. Please give my family all of my love, and Bella too. I love you Jasper."_ Click. I wondered if that would be the last time I would ever hear her voice. I looked around our-my room and I was turning over so many emotions I didn't know where to start. I couldn't deny her this-she's right. She has to follow this, or she'll never be truly happy. And it's not her fault, I can't be angry at her. And now I was alone, truly alone. I went downstairs in a daze to tell the rest of the family the news. Rosalie and Emmett had come home while I was on the phone, and Carlisle and Esme were sitting at a table playing cards with Bella. Esme's smile faltered when she saw my face.

"Jasper, what's happened?" Carlisle was on his feet moving towards me quickly.

"Alice. She's not coming home." I spat numbly. They waited for me to continue. "She's been having visions-visions that don't include me. Visions of her with someone else. She made up a lie about the Volturi so that she could go to Italy and wait for him. She didn't call because she knew I would, and she was afraid to tell me. She took Edward because she saw something about him in Italy as well. She wouldn't say what." I sat down on the bottom step, feeling exhausted for the first time in my vampire life.

Esme's lip puckered up, and I heard her begin to sob in her own motherly way. Rose and Emmett just gaped at me. Bella was crying.

"She wanted me to tell you that she loves you all. I'm never going to see her again." The truth sunk in, and I knew without a doubt I was right. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bella get up and leave the room. I could hear her sobs as she ran down the hall, trying valiantly not to fall to pieces.

"I'm so sorry, son," Carlisle said as he embraced me. Esme was soon to follow.

"How could she?" Rosalie whispered, shaking her head.

"I'm sorry, bro," Emmett rose to come closer, but hesitated. He wasn't much for showing emotions, and I could tell he felt conflicted. We sat there, some of us standing, like that for I don't know how long. I couldn't think.

"I don't want to be alone," I whispered. I hadn't heard her because I wasn't paying attention, but Bella had come back in the room. I couldn't look at her, but I felt her take my hand.

**I had to do it, I'm sorry. I love Alice, and I can't have naughty Jasper runnin' around behind her back. **


	6. CONTEST ANNOUNCEMENT

**Hey, everyone!**

**I'm super excited to announce that the C2 that I belong to will be hosting a contest for all you J/B fans!**

**Only the Best Jasper/Bella Presents:**

"**Everything's Bigger in Texas-a Jasper/Bella Fiction Contest!"**

**Categories are as follows:  
Best Darksper/Bella (When Jasper's naughty, everybody wins! Darksper stands for dark Jasper)**

**Best one-shot Jasper/Bella Lemon**

**Best lemon from Jasper/Bella story**

**Best overall Jasper/Bella story COMPLETE**

**Nominations will be taken for two weeks (ending August 4****th****) followed by two weeks of voting.**

**To nominate, please PM myself or one of the following ladies: NCChris, Jasper's Dark Angel, Jaspers Izzy, JaspersBella, JaspersDestiny or see the community-Only the Best Jasper/Bella. The link will be found on my profile. Story title and author's name, please!**

**If anyone has any questions, please don't hesitate to ask! **

**Winners will receive a banner and a feeling of pride.**


	7. I Wish that I had Never Met You

**In this chapter, I'll finally be answering the question: "What about Edward?"**

The rest of the family hovered over me for the next few days, including Bella. Charlie had agreed to let her stay at the house for the summer; why I'll never know. Esme has a way with words. She tried to comfort me, but her growing anxiety at not hearing from Edward was weighing on her. To top it off, her nightmares had returned due to my inability to help her anymore. I scoffed to myself. As if I helped her. Look at what I had done to her while she was sleeping? And then while she was awake?! Her presence only sank me deeper into my depression. I ran over the conversation with Alice again and again until it was all that I was able to think about. And the conclusion was the same every time-Alone. I was alone. Forever. And no matter what the family said, no matter how many times they reassured me of their love, it wasn't their love I was after. I don't know how to function without Alice; she was always the one to point me in the right direction.

I sat in the floor of our room for all those days and saw nothing. I prayed that if God, or whoever was up there, would just bring her back to me, I'd never sin again. But it was a lie, and God knew it, because I had to sin to live. But I begged him anyway, because I didn't know what to do. I begged on my hands and knees to the ghost of her, hoping she would hear me and take me back.

But my phone stayed silent.

I could hear another phone ringing downstairs so I listened. "_Hello?"_ I heard Bella answer. I was too far away to pay attention to the other voice, though I could hear speaking. _"Edward! I'm so glad you called! I've been so—"_ Her speech broke off as she listened to him speak. I tried to reach out and feel what she was feeling-surely it would be better than what I was feeling-but her growing grief only made it worse. I could tell the rest of the family had gathered around her. _"Edward, I don't understand. I thought you said—"_ He cut her off again. Terror-absolute terror. _"Please don't do this again."_ Oh, no. I could smell the tears as they poured down her face. I couldn't bring myself to stand. I heard his voice once again, and then she threw the phone. Her grief was my grief and together it was blinding. I was already on the floor, but I couldn't stop myself from laying forward and pressing my face into the carpet. I screamed.

When I surfaced again, Bella was on the floor in front of me, sick with tears. Her face was red and she was a mess. She looked at me pleadingly. "He left me again. He said he was going to stay in Italy, and that he didn't want to see me again. I should have known." I just sat there, looking up at her from my place on the floor. When she realized I wasn't going to say anything, she went on. "You have to make it go away."

I spoke for the first time in days. "Bella, I can't make my own grief go away, let alone someone else's." At that moment, I never wanted to use my gift again. I was spent.

"Can't you just try?" I sighed. Now I was mad.

"Bella, damnit, don't you have any IDEA what I've been through this week? I understand that you're upset, really I do. But quite frankly I can't find it in myself to give a damn. I'm broken too, you know." I didn't want to yell, but I couldn't help myself. She expected me to comfort _her_? She just stared at me, horrified.

"You're absolutely right. I'm sorry. I just…don't know what to do. I don't know if I can survive again. I feel like I could die." I snorted.

"At least you _can_ die. I'm going to live with this feeling forever." The sad reality hit me hard.

"What are we going to do?" she asked, lying down next to me.

"I don't know." I wasn't quite sure when my problem turned into _our_ problem, but I knew I wouldn't be able to shake her off now. Carlisle knocked on the door.

"Can I come in?" he asked, trying to be polite. He was feeling unsure, I'm assuming because he didn't know how to feel.

"Of course," I said. He walked in and sat on the bed.

"I can't pretend to know what each of you are feeling right now, but I can offer my support. Jasper, I hope you don't feel the need to leave this family just because you found us with Alice. And Bella, you are as much of a daughter to me as Rosalie is. You're welcome here as long as you want to stay." He reached forward to pat her on the head. She smiled weakly.

"I can't leave, Carlisle, I have nowhere else to go. I don't want to be a nomad again. But I don't want to live in this room anymore, I can't stand it. If it's alright, I'd like to move into the room above the garage." Carlisle nodded.

"That's fine, of course. I'm sure we'll find something to do with this room. Perhaps Rosalie would like another closet?" He smiled.

"I'll take it." Bella whispered, suddenly feeling brazen. Carlisle looked at her to continue. "That is, if you'll have me. I can't go back to Charlie's house. I don't want to live in fear every night when I go home, thinking that the rest of you are going to follow in _his_ footsteps. I want you all in my life-I love you like family. And I need help. I don't know how to feel." She was crying again. Carlisle was feeling intense love for his newest daughter, and I knew without a doubt he was going to say yes.

"Bella, you're more than welcome to stay here, but do you think Charlie would be okay with it?"

"I'm an adult; I can do what I want. And it's not like I'm going far away. I'll explain the situation to him. He'll want what's best for me." She was confident that her plan would work. But Bella? A human? Living here? A part of my mind was apprehensive about this, but the rest of me couldn't find it in me to care.

"Esme and I will go with you. If he's agreeable, we'll help you get your things." She nodded. Carlisle stood up and walked towards the door. "I'm going to go explain to everyone else. Whenever you're ready, come downstairs." He shut the door behind him.

"Jasper?" She said, reaching out to touch me. I looked up. "Do you think we'll be okay?"

"I hope so."

EPOV

"Are you happy now, Aro?" I asked, tearing my arms away from the guards who were holding me down. I could kill Alice for dragging me into this, but in hindsight, maybe I should be grateful.

"Not in so many words, Edward. I only wish you would have conceded by your own will, but I'll take what I can get," he said, and he meant every word.

"Will you keep your word, then?" He looked at me for a long moment.

_You may find me deplorable, Edward, but I am a man of my word. Your Bella will not be harmed by our hand._

"Know that I _will_ kill you if you don't." I snarled. He had the gall to chuckle.

"I have no doubt in my mind that you would certainly try. But if you keep _your_ end of our little bargain, I will have no reason not to." _You agreed, remember?_ How could I forget? Alice dragged me hear, coming up with this elaborate vision of the two of us in Volturi saving some innocent human from their hunters. When we got on the plane, she told me the truth. That she was leaving the family-she wouldn't tell me where she was going.

"_If I tell you, they'll come for me," _she said. But she told me what she really saw. The Volutri wanted us to work for them, this much we already knew. But we weren't prepared for their plan of action. They wanted me the most, and that's where they were going to start. And the most direct route to get me to comply was to go through Bella. _"That's why she's been disappearing from my vision-it wasn't certain if she was going to_ have_ a future. I still can't explain Jasper and why this vision came so late, but you have to act."_

They were going to kill Bella if I didn't do what they wanted, and there was no way around it. They sent guards to the United States, and all they were waiting for was the command. They had assumed that Alice would see when the decision was made. There was no alternative. So I did the one thing that I _swore_ to her that I would never do-I lied to her again. In front of Aro and being held down by guards, I called the only girl I would ever love and told her I didn't want to be with her-again. And even if I did get out of this, how would I explain it? They had me by the most important string in my life. To protect her, I joined the Volturi.

APOV

He was coming soon, I could feel it. It was like I was in the diner again, waiting for Jasper-the memory made my heart ping. But this was better, it had to be. I was happy. Happier than I had ever been-that much I could see. And I couldn't just ignore the visions. They were coming almost daily now. And as much as I knew I would always love Jasper, I couldn't let myself live in wonder like that anymore. And I found my excuse in the vision I had of Edward. To save Bella's life, he would have to give her up. It would be the hardest thing he would have to do, but there was no other way. I would think that I would know when he concedes to Aro-surely Bella will return to my visions.

I sat on the hill and I waited.


	8. Dr Jekyll and Misses Hyde

**Disclaimer: Does not belong to me! what a pity.**

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"I love peanut butter, you know that?" Bella was perched on the counter licking peanut butter off of her fingers. Today was one of her good days. On her bad days, she didn't come out of her room. But she was doing better with it this time, from what she said. She was trying, at least, which was more than I could say for myself. I went through the motions, but I was just a shell. It had been weeks since Edward made his phone call to Bella, and longer from when I got mine. "It's kind of homey-reminds me of when I was little. Charlie can't cook worth a damn so he'd make me peanut butter sandwiches when I stayed with him during the summer." She dipped her finger back in the jar and proceeded to lick the glob until it was gone.

"You know that's gross, right?" She looked at me curiously. "Sticking your fingers in the jar and then licking them before sticking them back in. It's not sanitary." Bella rolled her eyes, chuckling a little bit.

"Jasper, nobody else in the house eats food. Well, except Emmett on the occasional dare, but that's beside the point. It's only my germs, and I don't care." She stuck her tongue out at me. She'd been gravitating towards me these last few weeks. I'm guessing it's because she feels as though we should stick together since we've both been spurned, but it was really unnecessary. I was completely over using my little gift on her, after what had happened, and I should be grateful for that. But I just couldn't bring myself to manipulate her anymore after seeing her in such a fragile state. She'd asked me for the first few nights, but I declined. Whatever part of me that had taken over then was destroyed now. It must have died with the rest of me. Her expression softened when she took in my lack of repose. "You want to go do something?" she asked.

"You mean…"

"I mean do you want to go out and do something? You haven't been out of the house except to hunt and it's not good for you."

"I don't really feel like doing anything, thank you." The outside world held no interest for me anymore. What did I care? Oddly, I felt a tiny rage building in Bella. I turned towards her and found that she was glaring at me, having set the peanut butter down.

"You know what, Jasper? I don't care if you feel like it. You can't just keep _subsisting_ like this! What? Do you plan on spending eternity wallowing in your own grief? If I can snap out of this, so can you. And being in a different surrounding helps-trust me. Why don't we go to a club or something? I know I'm not old enough to drink, but I went dancing with Rosalie and Emmett a couple of times and it was great! I'm sure you'll have fun."

"You're the first one to say something to me, you know that? Everyone else just looks at me and pretends to smile." I sighed. "I guess you're right. I'll go get changed, and we'll go…dancing." I cringed at the thought. All those people? Wonderful. But Bella was gleeful as she ran up the stairs, and that made my heart a little lighter. She put up a good front, but she couldn't hide herself from me. I rose slowly and went to my room, which was now above the garage. What the hell was I going to wear? I settled on a plain black t-shirt, a pair of distressed denim jeans, and my favorite cowboy boots. I was fairly certain that the boots wouldn't fit in to wherever we were going, but by God I liked them and they made me feel good. I went downstairs and into the main house and waited for Bella.

I heard her door open and felt some hesitation as she walked to the head of the stairs. She was dressed in a pale pink halter top, a pair of distressed jeans very similar to mine and matching sandals. "I know some people would wear heels to the club, but that's just not logical for me." She smiled a bit at her blush. She looked so…innocent. Her hair fell around her shoulders and I noticed that she had curled the ends a bit. The effect was quite lovely.

"Safety first, Bella." I chuckled. "Are you ready? And what club have you been to before with Rose and Emmett? We could just go there again. Pardon me for not being more familiar with the nightlife."

"It's called _Luxuria_. It's in downtown Port Angeles."

"Well we had better get going then." I paused briefly in the garage as I tried to decide which car to take. The choices weren't great-Rosalie's M3 was out of the question. She wouldn't even let Emmett drive it. And Emmett's jeep wasn't exactly proper for the road. It came down to Carlisle's Mercedes or Edward's Volvo. At least Alice had taken her Porsche with her. Carlisle's Mercedes it is!

Since it was later, the drive took less time, due to less traffic. The club wasn't what I expected. The front of the building was painted black and the club's name was written in red cursive. There wasn't a bouncer out front or a line roped off with red velvet. I think maybe I had seen too many movies here lately, because that's what I expected. "So what's the plan?" I asked her. This wasn't something I normally did. If Alice wanted to go dancing, she would go with Rosalie. Bella pulled on my hand and tugged me inside.

"We dance. There's nothing more to it. I suppose you could drink if you wanted, but it probably wouldn't be too great for you. Just…let yourself go. Forget who you are when you're out on the floor. It'll be like nothing matters for those few hours." This was such an odd sentiment coming from Bella; it made me curious.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I wouldn't think that dancing would be your forte." The girl couldn't walk two feet without tripping over empty air-how in the world is dancing in public a good idea?

"Believe me, I asked myself the same thing the first time I came here. But it's not like I get out there and turn into Britney Spears or something, I just let myself move. And I pretty much stay in one spot. Okay, so it's more like swaying in place, but it makes me feel good!" She huffed after her bumbling explanation. I held up my hands in surrender as we reached the dance floor.

"Okay! As long as it makes you happy." We stood there looking awkwardly at one another until the music started. I had to admit, I was a little nervous. I wasn't much of a dancer myself, and I usually have a partner when I do. The song wasn't something I recognized, and for a minute I just stood there. I have no _idea_ what I'm doing.

Bella's POV

The music had started and I was enjoying the way the bass bumped under the floor beneath my feet. But when I looked at Jasper, he wasn't doing _anything._ He had his hands stuffed into his pockets and he looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Boy, he wasn't kidding when he said he didn't know what to do! But I don't know how to help him; I can't dance with him. At least, I don't _know how_ to dance with him. I looked around to see if maybe I could use another couple as an example, but the way they were dancing? Well, that's not something I could do with Jasper. I blushed just imagining myself dancing _that_ way with him. They were grinding together, for God's sake! Nope, definitely not. I mean, I was amazed that he'd even agreed to go with me considering the mood that he's been in lately. Then again, I couldn't blame him; I wasn't whole myself. But with the Cullen's, I felt better. Like I could survive this because they loved me. I guess Jasper wasn't there yet. And that's why I dragged him with me-because he needed to know that we were with him.

"Jasper? You can move, you know." I said to him as he continued to stare at me sheepishly.

"I…I don't know how. When I used to dance, I used to dance with Alice. I've never danced alone before." Well, _crap._ "Could I dance with you, Bella? Or would that make you uncomfortable?" _Yes._

"No. But you're going to have to lead because I've only danced by myself." I sighed as he walked over to me.

"I'm going to put my hands on your waist, and you turn and face away from me. Rest your head against my chest, and we'll just…move." I turned around and did as he said as he placed a hand on each side of my waist. After a little bit of awkward settling-in, we began to sway with the beat of the music. I closed my eyes and just tried to forget everything. It was easier than you would think, because when I was dancing, it was like I wasn't even me. Jasper moved stiffly at first, but at the start of the second song I felt him relax a little into my back. I didn't say anything when his hands started to knead my waist. I was proud of him for letting go a little bit, and I just assumed he was finally losing himself. In fact, it helped me relax even more. He had surprisingly long fingers…

I started to rock my shoulders, and he followed. I tilted my head far enough back to see him; his eyes were closed. You know what? What the hell. If I'm going to enjoy myself, I'm going to go all out. I was New Bella, and New Bella wanted to _really_ dance with Jasper. What had made Old Bella nervous just a half hour ago was screaming New Bella's name. I let my hands rise above my head and twine themselves in Jasper's hair. I felt him tense for a moment, but he eased into it within seconds; in response he moved his hands further around the front to where the rested on my stomach.

Just because I let my inhibitions fly out the window doesn't mean it makes me a better dancer, so I still stuck with just swaying back and forth with him. But I let my hips move a little wider, and I added a teeny little dip every now and then. I was proud of myself. Jasper seemed to be enjoying himself as well-every now and then I'd hear a little contented purr scrape out of his throat and I didn't mind at all when his hands began to wander further and further…

Jasper's POV

I'd never danced with a human before. I usually wasn't allowed within this proximity of one. But with Bella having moved in with us, I was becoming slightly desensitized to her smell. When I first asked her to dance with me, she was feeling worried and disappointed. But as soon as I rested my hands on her hips it was like she flipped a switch. Her hands twined in my hair and her hips started to sway in a terribly sinful way. It was like Bella switched off and a stranger had taken her place. So if she could do that, why couldn't I? I let my hands roam her torso, straying from side to side and brushing underneath her bra-she didn't seem to mind. I couldn't help the little growls that erupted every so often; particularly when she would dip her hips and brush me just so.

As the night grew on, the music began to grow faster and faster. So did our pace. I turned Bella around to face me, but she never opened her eyes. She let her hands travel down my chest and around to wrap her arms around me. Her face was red and her brow was coated in sweat, but she looked completely at ease. It was undeniably sexy. She moved to straddle my leg, trying to mimic the couple beside us. I inhaled deeply, shocked at the sensation it created. She was radiating heat and lust and joy and it all mixed together to create a beautiful cocktail. I yanked her forward to the point that she was completely flush with my body and let my hands bury themselves in her hair. "You don't know what you're doing to me…" I whispered, losing Jasper completely. I don't know who I am anymore, but he's not here.

"What am I doing?" she breathed, complete in her innocence, although her tone took on a slightly erotic hint. I positioned her midsection to where my erection was pounding, and her eyes only widened for a moment before she grinned wickedly.

"_I_ did that to you?" She asked, coming down to earth slightly.

"Who else? I only see you." And it was true. We were in a room full of human women, and all I could see was her. Her flush, her wild hair, the elated look in her eyes…I bent down to prove to her my point when the music stopped.

It was like being snapped from a movie that you were completely engrossed with. We both jumped back and I saw Bella draw a sharp breath. "Jasper, I think I should be sorry."

"Don't be. I was out of line. I don't know what came over me." I shook my head, realizing that I had just…

"Me too. But I've never danced with someone like that before, and I just…" We both stood and stared for a minute, and embarrassment flowed around both of us like air.

"It's nothing. The music just got the best of us, that's all. It's getting late-we should probably head home." She nodded, and her embarrassment was growing by the second. I could fill buckets with it if I wanted.

"You're absolutely right. Esme's probably worried." We walked out of the club in silence, and neither of us said anything the entire way home.

**I hope everyone noticed that Jasper's not going all gropy and Bella's not turning into a hooker-they just found an outlet, that's all.**

**I got the name of the club from a story I read recently (although it's complete and older) by Nia-ox called _Luxuria._ It's the first of the Deadly Sins series, and it's absolutely fabulous. I suggest you read all three-even though the second isn't all for us J/B girls-it has a point to it though! **

**And also, don't forget that the C2 that I belong to is running the "Everything's Bigger in Texas-Jasper/Bella contest". Nominations will be taken until the 4th of August, so head on over to our C2 and PM myself or any of the great ladies over there. Voting will begin August 5th, and the completed list will be found on our Livejournal page on that date.**


	9. Innocent

**First off, I'd like to thank EVERYONE who offered to Beta for me-I can't believe how many people wanted to help! I appriciate each and every one of the requests I got.**

**Don't forget, only a few days left to nominate in the "Everything's Bigger in Texas-J/B fiction contest!" Final nominations and voting will begin on August 5th.**

**And now...a basket full of thanks to my Beta, cullen818! If you haven't read any of her stuff yet-DO IT. because it's AWESOME.**

I tried for days to think about something else.

Anything else.

Anything but Bella.

But I couldn't.

And the worst part was I couldn't figure out _why._ She was the same Bella that I've known all this time, but then again she wasn't. When we danced, she completely lost all of her inhibitions, and in turn I lost mine. But was it a good thing? I was torn. On the one hand, I was still mourning over the loss of my Alice, and that wound ran deep. When I followed her out of that diner, I never even wanted to look back. But on the other hand, I knew I needed to start to heal. I couldn't spend the rest of my eternal life pining for someone who didn't love me anymore-it would make for a miserable existence. And in my darkest hours since she left, I couldn't figure out how. But when I was dancing-when I let myself go-I felt that little spark of happiness that Alice took with her. But, it couldn't be the dancing because I hated to dance.

It had to be Bella.

Maybe it was the fact that she was really, truly trying to get through this. And after what she went through the first time he left, I had to say that was an amazing accomplishment. Esme had been so worried that she would just lock herself in her room and lose herself completely, but she didn't. She still had a deep river of despair that ran through her-I felt it all the time-but she didn't let it get the best of her. I know Bella wasn't with Edward for even a fraction of the time that I was with Alice, but I couldn't deny the fact that she had loved him. Maybe I was just holding onto some hope that she'd come back to me, but would I take her back?

"Hey, Jazzy boy-you're going to stare a hole through the wall if you're not careful. What's got your panties in a twist?" Emmett asked as he came barreling into my room.

"You know what, Emmett? I don't know. I feel like I should be trying to move on, but a part of me is just…stuck." And it was true.

"You can't sit up here all day and brood about Alice. If you don't watch yourself, you'll turn into Edward." He laughed.

"How would you feel? If it was Rosalie?" He hit me with a burst of pain.

"I see your point. If Rosie left me…" he sighed.

"I'm trying, Em, I really am. But I don't know how."

"You gotta do stuff to take your mind off of it. Didn't you go dancing with Bella last week? How was that?" Wonderful. Sexy. A huge turn-on.

"Fine. It was more fun than I had anticipated, actually, but I don't think I want to do it a lot. I'm not much of a fan of dancing." It probably wasn't very safe, either, considering what happened in the short amount of time when we danced last week.

"You need to find you another hobby or something. Go eat some things. It'll be fun." Emmett's solution to everything was food. Bored? Go hunting. Lonely? Go hunting. Left by your wife? Go hunting.

"Yeah. I'll keep that in mind. Hey-have you seen Bella?"

"What? Oh-she's in her room. Reading or something girly like that." I left Emmett, who had taken to perusing my CD's, in my room. When Bella had taken _our_ old room, I thought it would be hard to go inside again. But she had made it completely her own, and I was thankful that I didn't feel Alice's presence at all.

"Bella?" I knocked softly.

"Come on in, Jasper!" she called. I heard her heartbeat pick up as she fumbled around before I walked in. Odd. "What's up?"

Good question. I really had no idea why I came in here. "I was just…bored." That sounded original. Yes, I'm well over 100 years old and I'm _bored._

"Oh! Well, what do you want to do?" she asked curiously, moving to sit cross-legged on her bed.

"I don't know. I'm sorry, Bella, I don't know why I bothered you. I'll just go." I turned to the door, feeling like a jackass.

"Wait! You didn't bother me. And hey-I have an idea. There's something I want you to do with me." Oh, well I like the sound of that…

"And what would that be?"

"I want you to show me how your power works."

"Bella, you _know_ how my power works. I've used it on you before." With your consent, without your consent…

"I know that, but I don't really understand it. How about you try a few things? I'm curious." Curiosity killed the cat Bella, but I wasn't going to say no. I wanted to do it. I liked to do it. Too much.

"Alright. Mind if I join you?" I motioned to the bed. She shook her head, and I sat adjacent to her. "Okay. First, why don't I make you feel a few things? Just random emotions." She nodded again, this time feeling excited. "Happy." I said, and then sent a powerful wave of joy her way. She immediately smiled, giggling a bit.

"I like that. What else you got?"

"Fear." I hit her with intense fear, and she instantly stopped smiling. She pulled her knees up unconsciously, shaking her head at me. I reined it in. "Contentment." I made her feel relaxed and happy, like she didn't have a care in the world. She smiled again, this time laying back on the bed and letting her hands fall above her head. "Lust." I said, waggling my eyebrows and covering her in a blanket of desire. That brought back memories of the night I 'influenced' her on the couch, and did nothing to help my feelings. It only made me like it more.

"Jasper…" she whispered, lost in the feeling. Her head was shaking from side to side like she didn't know what she wanted to do with it. "Please…" she whispered again. I decided to let myself have fun with it. After all, Emmett _did_ tell me to get a new hobby.

"Please what, Bella?" I asked. I dosed her again.

"I don't know…just…oh…" her eyes were closed and her hands were fisted in her hair. She asked me to do this…she asked me to…I could move those few inches. I could touch her.

Alice's POV

"I thought you would never come!" I screeched as I let myself fly to my feet. The man just looked at me, wary. I was sure he was thinking about running. "Don't go! I have so much to tell you."

"Who are you?" he asked, moving further away.

"Alice. My name is Alice, and I've been waiting for you." He started moving faster. "Please let me explain." I took a deep breath; I'm not sure why. "You know how some of our kind have extra gifts?" I asked. He nodded, finally ceasing in his movement. "I can see the future. And I saw you. I saw _us_, more like it. And I'd really like it if you would tell me your name."

"Joseph. And what do you mean, you saw us?" I grinned.

"I mean that I saw us together. As a couple. And please, know that I'm not here to push you into anything! I just had to meet you."

"Can I be honest with you, Alice?" I nodded furiously at his question.

"I think you're crazy. You honestly expect me to believe that you had visions of the two of us? And then what? I just go with you?" I honestly _did_ believe that. I never saw this. How could I convince him to stay? I looked into my future, and it was murky.

Edward's POV

"Edward," Aro called, "it's time." _It won't be as bad as you think,_ he added only to me. Felix stood up and followed me to the door-I wasn't allowed to be alone. They considered me a flight risk, I guess.

_Thank God,_ Felix was thinking. _I thought I was going to starve to death watching him brood over that stupid human._ A low growl rumbled through my chest, which Felix happily returned. _I'd love nothing more than to fight you, Edward. But I'm too hungry. Maybe later._

"Aro, is this really necessary?" I asked. The thought of what he wanted me to do was repulsing. I wasn't above begging to get out of it. I wasn't above anything anymore.

"I'm afraid so. If you are going to be a part of the guard, then I'm going to need you to be, so you say, fully committed." _We do these things as a family._ I entered the large chamber room where the rest of the 'family' was waiting. I could hear Heidi coming down the hall with several pairs of loud footsteps in her wake.

"This makes me…" I couldn't even finish my sentence. Aro came and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Didn't you have a rebellious period in your younger years? Surely this can't repulse you that much."

"I did, yes, but they weren't innocent people!" I snarled.

_It doesn't matter. You have no choice._ I turned to the door and watched the innocent file in.

***waits for wrath to be unleashed***


	10. I Lick My Lips

**Thanks to all you reviewers! You make me happy.**

**And thanks to cullen818, who has to be, like, the speediest Beta ever. For realz. **

God damnit, Bella!" I roared, throwing myself away from the bed and turning towards the door. The spell broken, Bella turned her eyes to me. _I stopped,_ I told myself. _At least I stopped._

"What, Jasper? What? What did I do?!" she screeched, feeling my anguish and reacting. I wasn't careful keeping my wall up because when I was this anguished it was hard, and I wasn't doing a good job with it at all.

"Nothing, you did nothing! It was all me," Why did I keep doing this? Did I _have_ a death wish? I don't thrive off of power. And this was Bella. _Bella. _Trusting, sweet, innocent Bella. Everything good, and here I was. Everything evil. "God-I'm so sorry. I'm so…so fucking sorry!" Between Alice leaving and Edward missing in action, I was falling apart. I was taking it out on Bella, and I'd finally reached my breaking point. I felt like I was spinning in circles and every time I tried to step away I fell off a cliff. I couldn't keep my head above water. Drowning.

"Sorry? Jasper, I don't understand!" I tried to calm myself down, because I was causing her to freak out.

"I shouldn't have done that. I manipulated you, and I'm sorry."

"I asked you to. You were showing me your power. What's the problem?"

"You don't understand. I took it too far. I wanted to take it farther. It's sick." I hung my head shamefully and turned away from her.

"Take it further?" she asked curiously. She still didn't understand.

"Just then, when I hit you with that lust, it…affected me. All I could think about was making you want me like I wanted you. I wanted to lean forward and _take _you right there." This time I looked her straight in the eyes, trying to convey the seriousness. She took me in for a minute before she realized what I said. Her eyes widened and her hands flew up to her mouth.

"Oh. Oh…" she whispered. "So wait. You _wanted_ me? And you…oh." We just sat there staring at each other while she digested the horrid thing I'd done. And I still hadn't told her about all of the other times. "Why?" Ahh, there it is. I was waiting for her to ask me. I expected her to run from the room when she got her answer.

"That's the thing. I don't know! It's not as if I have something against you, but you're emotions just…_bend_…to me. It's so easy! And you feel everything so powerfully that it almost gets me drunk on what you're feeling. Even if you're feeling what I'm telling you to. Like earlier? It felt like you wanted me too." I was like a teenage boy begging for affection. If my previous family could see me now, they would laugh. Well, don't worry, after this Bella will never want anything to do with me again. I reached out to taste her emotions, but I got nothing from her.

"Have you done this before?" she asked. Damn.

"No." Liar! Why must I lie! Apparently I have no verbal filter at all. I panicked at my sudden response. I had no justification. I just couldn't stand the thought of that look in her eyes if I told her the truth. I knew she would believe me, too. I knew that I would have to come clean, but it wasn't going to be tonight.

"Well, I can sort of understand that. It's nice to feel something good for a change. And you stopped, didn't you? That counts for something. But I don't understand something-why me?" After all of that, she's worried about why I was attracted to her?

"You really have no idea, Bella?" She shook her head. "You're beautiful. I may be cold and heartless, but even I can see that, sugar. And when you're like that, writhing on the bed and calling my name, let's just say you're damn lucky that I'm such a gentleman." Gentleman my ass. Might as well go all out if I'm going to lie my way to hell. Heat flushed her cheeks as her modesty littered the room in pink.

"Yeah, right. You're just saying that to make me forgive you." I chuckled. Apparently it worked. How easily she forgives…

"Just because my brother was too much of a fool to see that doesn't mean that I am. You're gorgeous-inside and out." You would think I was courting the girl by the way I was talking, but every word of it was true. I don't think it's possible to meet a more tender-hearted person. What was wrong with me? It surprised me to feel her emotions tinged with grief. "What's the matter? I hope I didn't upset you…"

"What? No! I was just thinking." I waited, nodding for her to go on. "About Alice, actually. I miss her, and I can't pretend to understand her reasoning, but I can't help but miss her. She was always the one who made me feel good about myself. You saying those things…" We had come to Alice. The change of subject was worse instead of better. I didn't want to talk about Alice. All it did was make me hurt.

"I understand. Alice had her own way about things." I smiled nostalgically, but I couldn't hide the wave of heartache that had amplified itself. I missed my wife.

"Tell me about her." She whispered. I was abashed at how quickly our conversation had turned-how easily she let things go. And I owed it to her to answer her request.

"Alice saved me. When she found me, I was wandering with no plans and no life. She brought me to a family and loved me with everything she had. She was always remorseful that she couldn't remember anything from her human life. She felt like a part of her was missing, and I always wished that I could help her like she helped me. She never listened to others, always following her own path. She was so happy here with everyone! I can't begin to understand what she must have seen to make her leave." I shook my head. _To leave me,_ I added.

"Tell me about your wedding. I'm sure it must have been extravagant." Bella grinned.

"Oh, that it was. We married after we moved in with the Cullens-Alice wanted everyone to be there. They were living in Alaska, near the Denali's at the time, so they were there as well. It was snowing, but the sun was out. Her dress cost a fortune, but I've never seen anyone so beautiful in all my life. She ran down the aisle pulling Carlisle behind her in her eagerness. And I never looked away again." Bella was thoughtful for a moment; I imagine trying to see the picture painted before her.

"I'm sorry she left you. You love her so much, I just won't understand." She sniffed, and I could see tears running down her face. She was crying for me.

"I just wasn't good enough, Bella. I wasn't strong enough. She saw somebody better in her future." That rippling fissure in my heart that I've kept pretty much in check was shaking. It was dangerously close to ripping open. Anger danced around her suddenly as she whipped her head to face me.

"Don't _ever_ let anyone tell you that, Jasper! I spent so long thinking that I wasn't anything special-that I wasn't good enough. The first time Edward left me, I fell apart because I just knew I wasn't worth it. But staying with your family this time around changed that. All the support I've gotten made me realize that I was actually worth something. And I'm telling you right now that Alice's leaving was her loss." She fumed, face flushed with pride.

"And you're telling me this? After I just admitted to manipulating you?"

"Yes, because everybody makes mistakes. Everybody does stupid stuff. It's human nature. It's not about being perfect. You have to make a new life for yourself outside of Alice! _She_ left _you-_show her why it was a mistake! It's what I'm trying to do." She was looking at me with such a furious finality that I almost couldn't believe it was coming from Bella.

"I don't know how," I whispered. "I don't know how to live without her." I felt like a whimpering child. She looked at me, calculating, and then pulled me to her in a move that caught me off guard.

"You just have to try," she murmured.

**In Volterra…**

Edward's POV

Oh my God…my mind screamed as the hot blood flowed into my mouth and I knew that nothing had ever been this…this….

_Good._

I couldn't remember why I stopped, and why it mattered to even care. This was my nature. This was delicious. I was _full._ I hadn't been completely satiated in eighty some-odd years. Away from Carlisle I couldn't understand anymore. Nobody here was ashamed of me for this-in fact it was quite the opposite. I could feel Aro's prideful gaze on me as I gulped like a hungry child. No shame. As the pulsing slowed I pulled my head back and let out a small cry of pure bliss. Don't get me wrong-I fought at first. I didn't want this. I begged Aro to let me go-let me do it my way. But he insisted, claiming that we were family and this was how it was done. He bit her first and then threw her in my direction. _"If you don't finish her, she will change. And then we will kill her. Save her the pain._" He told me. She was in so much pain-I only wanted to end it. Aro told no one to help me. So I took her. And that's when I lost my mind.

"Am I to assume that you're no longer angry with me, child?" Aro asked, walking forward.

"You assume correct, master." I replied.

**And we can't forget about Alice…**

Alice's POV

What am I going to do? What now? OhmyGodohmyGodohmyGod…he didn't want me. Why didn't he want me? The visions were so clear, and I was having them for so long, and we were together, I know it! Together and happy. But when I look now, I can't see us. I can't see anything involving us. Everything's just fuzzy, and I don't know why! I pleaded with him to stay and let me explain. To let me tell him about myself. But he was frightened and he fled. I chased him for a bit, but he was faster than me.

I couldn't see him. I need someone. Anyone. I need to know that someone still loves me. That someone wants me. My future is a blur! So blurry…

Jasper. I'll call Jasper. He'll talk to me-he'll make it better. He always makes it better. I just needed…something. I picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number, already feeling marginally better. It rang twice. I didn't wait for him to speak.

"Jasper! Oh, thank God. I miss you! I don't know what to do. He doesn't want me-he left. I tried to talk to him, and he left. I don't know what to do-I think I should come home. I think—" I was going to tell him that I think maybe I was wrong and that we should get back together when I was cut off.

"_You don't get to talk to him right now, Alice_." Bella answered coldly. That's odd-why was Bella answering Jasper's phone?

"What's going on, Bella? Where's Jasper?"

"_He's in the other room. I took his phone. Okay, well he gave it to me but that's not the point. And I'm telling you that you're not going to spew that crap at him right now. You have _no idea_ what you did to him when you left. I'm not going to let you do anymore damage. I loved you like a sister-but I'll never understand why he wasn't good enough for you. I'm sorry your backup plan fucked you over. No-you know what? I'm not."_ I heard the line go dead.

**Oh, snap! Now, who saw that coming?**


	11. Giddy Up

**Disclaimer: a math problem. Kitty is not greater than or equal to Stephenie Meyer. **

**Thanks, Cullen818, for rocking my beta-world. I appriciate it more than you know.**

**Oh, boy, did I have fun with this chapter. **

I stared at Bella with outright shock as she snapped my cell phone shut and tossed it in the corner. I'm not going to say I'm not glad, because I wasn't sure what I was going to say to Alice in the first place. My heart, or what was left of it, practically shattered when I saw her name on the caller I.D. Bella immediately noticed my hesitation and held her hand out; I knew I had no choice but to give it to her. She was offering without words to be my strength. I didn't have it in me to argue. I never would have thought that she was going to put Alice in her place! I couldn't help the swell of pride I felt for her.

"Thank you, Bella." I said, not sure what else to say. She was no longer Bella-Edward's ex girlfriend and friend of the family; she was Bella-woman and savior. I felt this sudden, permanent attachment to her, and I knew that from this point on we were going to need each other. She was staring at me with nothing but compassion.

"No problem. It's about time you had someone on your side. Did it bother you? Hearing her voice? I know you could."

"To be honest, I was paying more attention to what you were saying." I smiled, noticing the small feeling of glee coming from Bella after I said that. Before she had time to ask any further questions, Emmett came bounding into the room. "Done hunting?" I asked. He ruffled Bella on the head and laughed boisterously.

"Oh yeah. Hey-me and Rose are gonna hit the club tonight. Need a change of pace, you know? You guys want to come?" he looked between us expectantly. She was excited, but she was going to let me make the choice. What could it hurt?

"Sure. Let me go get dressed." I headed out to my room as I heard Bella say she was doing the same. It was a great feeling, knowing that I wasn't alone anymore, so I was actually looking forward to the evening. I dressed in a pair of denim jeans, a blue t-shirt (which was probably a little tighter than I would normally wear, but what the hell), and for kicks I threw on my cowboy hat. I had nothing to lose. Emmett was waiting on the porch for us when I got back up to the house. He laughed at my hat.

"Hey, rodeo! If you want, we could probably find a bar with a mechanical bull," he chuckled, but the idea had merit.

"If you're serious, I'm game. I'm feeling particularly skillful tonight."

"Sweet! I think I know the perfect place. Let me go tell Rose and Bella to wear their best hickwear and I'll go change real quick." Now I was really excited. This would be right up my alley. It didn't take Emmett long at all to change-he came down in a ridiculous plaid shirt, a pair of jeans, cowboy boots and a rhinestone cowboy hat.

"Rhinestone, Emmett? Where in the hell did you get it?" I asked, laughing at his overzealous appearance.

"No idea. All I know is that it was waiting in the closet like some sort of God-send and I went with it. The girls will be down in a minute." I laughed again as we waited. Rosalie came down first wearing the tightest pair of jeans I've ever seen tucked into boots and a white button down shirt that she had tied in a knot around her waist. The buttons were only about halfway as well. And then there was Bella. She was dressed in a denim skirt that came about mid-thigh with a sleeveless red button down shirt, a pair of cowboy boots and a dainty little cowboy hat. She noticed my stare and blushed, complimenting her appearance. She was beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous. And then I got my speech back.

"When did this entire family get a pair of cowboy boots? And where did all the hats come from?" I was mildly amused, considering I'd never seen any of them wear such items before. Bella smiled.

"These were in the closet. I just went with it." She blushed again, feeling exceedingly modest.

"It works for you." I smiled.

"Let's get this show on the road! I've got ten bucks on Jasper falling off the bull." Emmett said as we got in the car. The drive was quick, and before I knew it we were in front of an outrageously cheesy cowboy bar. It smelled like smoke and cheap beer, but the atmosphere was light. Emmett wasted no time signing me up for a ride as we took a table in the corner. "You're on in fifteen minutes, bro," he said, and I heard Bella laugh quietly.

"What's so funny, little lady?" I asked.

"I just can't see you on a mechanical bull! I can't wait." She chuckled again, sipping at her soda water. We talked idly for a bit before I heard my name called over the loud speaker. Emmett was practically dancing in his seat as I rose to head to the center of the room. I turned around, tipped my hat for show, and got on.

The music was upbeat and the audience gathered around to watch. The 'bull' started out slow-I guessed the operator was giving me a chance to get the feel of it. I let one hand clutch the saddle and the other rise above my head in the traditional bull rider style. It started to rock faster and faster, but I knew I wasn't going to fall off. I could feel a bit of jealousy, a little awe, and quite a bit of desire coming from the audience as I held my ground, rocking back and forth. I looked over to find Emmett and Bella when I noticed that the center of desire was coming from her. She was staring at me, mouth agape, and the only thing I could get from her was heat. I winked at her as the 'bull' gave a final attempt to throw me off. Not succeeding, the motion quit and I was able to get off. The operator came out and handed me a t-shirt for staying it out-it said "I beat the bull."

Bella's POV

Holy God. I thought this was going to be funny. 'Ha ha, Jasper's on a mechanical bull.' I couldn't have been further off if I'd tried to be. When he got up there and the bull started moving, I thought I was going to die. Literally die. When it got faster, his hips started to rock, but his back stayed straight and it was un-freaking-believable. He was…amazing. Sexy. A real man. And I couldn't stop myself from staring at him like a complete fool-there was just no way I could tear my eyes away. He caught my eye and winked at me, and then for sure I thought I was going to pass out. I completely forgot about him reading my emotions until then, and I figured out I was probably shooting him some serious turned-on vibes. I couldn't find it in me to be embarrassed about it-hell, every woman in the room was probably feeling the same way. His lean, muscular chest moving in sync with the machine, and when those hips moved…Oh, I was definitely going to hell. Wasn't one of the Ten Commandments something about 'do not covet?' Well I was definitely coveting. Bad. When the ride was over, he got off and walked-no, _swaggered_-back to where we were standing. Oh, he knew alright. But he spoke to Emmett first.

"You owe me ten bucks." He said, punching him in the arm. Emmett laughed but forked over the money.

"Dude, you got all these chicks in here practically ready to throw themselves at you. You're a total ladies man!" Jasper laughed at the term, but he was definitely eating it up. And why shouldn't he? He's a free man. My heart sank a little, but I had no right to feel that way. I had no claim on him. In fact, I was the last person on the earth he'd ever consider. I was his brothers ex-girlfriend AND his ex-wife's ex best friend (the back part of my mind noticed, and pointed out, all the ex's in that sentence.) And where did that thought come from, anyway? This was Jasper. The same Jasper who had just poured his broken heart out to me. The same Jasper I just betrayed my Alice for. The same Jasper who winked at me while riding deliciously on that mechanical bull…_stop it, Bella!_ I chastised myself. The song that came on next was slow and romantic. I watched Rosalie and Emmett glide out to the dance floor, immediately moving into a graceful slow dance. I moved back awkwardly-I was kind of on the dance floor, and I needed not to be. But I backed into something hard. And cold. And talking.

"Bella? Would you care to dance?" Jasper asked, holding his hand out. The teenager in me screamed _hell yes!_ But I managed to nod politely and take his hand. He put one hand on my waist, but let the other twine with my fingers and move to my side. _Hotness must be his middle name,_ I thought. What the hell was wrong with me tonight?! "What's wrong? Your emotions are all over the place." He asked, pulling me a little closer.

"You'll laugh at me." I murmured, turning to hide my face. He bent his head to my ear.

"That's impossible, Bella. I'll never laugh at you." He whispered. His cool breath on my neck momentarily rendered me retarded, but I recovered in record time.

"When you were riding the mechanical bull, I felt…you were…you were hot, okay? It was the hottest thing ever. Go ahead and laugh, I won't be mad." I answered, unable to lie. I felt the heat creep up my cheeks, but Jasper kept his promise and didn't laugh. Instead, he pulled me closer still. I felt his head come closer to mine, and I swear I felt his lips brush my hair. But I had to have been imagining things.

"Thank you, sugar. That means a lot to me." That wasn't what I expected.

"Seriously? You don't think I'm some pathetic girl?" I asked incredulously. His face skimmed down to my cheek, and I knew my heart was giving me away.

"I will _never_ think you're pathetic, Bella. I consider it a compliment coming from a beautiful woman." He sighed as his lips came in contact briefly with my cheek. "You look amazing tonight, by the way," he said, straightening up and dissolving the moment. I don't know how or when it happened, but there was no escaping it-Jasper wasn't my brother anymore. But I don't know what happens next.

**I was thinking-I've never seen a story where Jasper rides a mechanical bull. It's hotness times ten. Plus they're finally noticing some feelings for one another-that Jasper didn't create (don't worry, he'll have to come clean eventually.) Ladies and Gentlemen, I call that progress.**

**So the Secret Twilight Garden (an awesome blog, btw) is having this contest that I wrote a one-shot for-Breakfast in Bed. You should go read it, and then go and vote for me because I'd seriously like to win. go to: http://www(dot)secret-twilight-garden(dot)blogspot(dot)com/ and scroll down to the end of the blog to find the poll. It would mean a lot to me!**


	12. Panic

**Disclaimer:I do not own Twilight. Pooh.**

**Thanks, cullen818, for rocking my Beta world. I'm waiting for my trilogy *wink***

**I don't normally do this, but I have a song for this chapter: Panic Switch by Silversun Pickups**

**Ya'll are gonna throw rocks at me for this.**

I had to admit, it was quite the welcome surprise to find out that Bella thought I was 'hot.' I had assumed, since she was living with us now, she considered me nothing more than a brother. In fact, I had been trying to abjure any thoughts of Bella in any way other than sisterly.

Now I didn't have to.

The realization was almost drug-like. I let all of those feelings I had been trying to hide bubble up to the surface and wash over me. I realized that I had never had the chance to actually _feel_ an attraction grow inside of me for someone. When I met Alice, I just went with her without question. I certainly cared for her, no doubt, but when I took her hand it was because I needed something. I needed someone to take control of me again, and that's what she did. But with Bella, it just kind of happened. I ignored the voice in the back of my mind reminding me of what I had done to furnish that attraction. I also ignored the guilt in the fact that I had lied to Bella about said incident. I'd tell her about it, I would. Later.

It was freeing, really, because I was finally able to be honest with myself. I was tired of seeing Bella as my brother's ex-girlfriend. Tired of pretending she was my sister. She would never be my sister. She had no idea that by uttering those words to me that she would open up a flood gate within me.

Needless to say the ride home had been a quiet one. Emmett, having lost the bet, was uncharacteristically quiet and Bella was still feeling embarrassed by her admission. Carlisle and Esme weren't home when we got there; probably out hunting. Esme preferred to hunt at night-she found it more comfortable that way. Rosalie and Emmett got out and turned towards the woods-I wouldn't ask what they were doing. Bella got out and walked into the house, heading straight towards her room. I followed her in, but stayed in the living room. Before she reached the top of the stairs, however, she turned to face me. "Would you mind?" she asked quietly.

"Bella, I don't think it's such a good idea if I influence your emotions anymore, all things considered." I frowned.

"I didn't mean that. Would you…just come and sit with me?" she murmured, blushing.

"I'd love to, sugar." I replied, following her up. She had no idea how happy her request made me. The gesture showed that I had 'moved up ranks' in her mind. She spent a few minutes in the bathroom before emerging in a white tank top and exercise shorts. She must have caught my stare because she raised her eyebrows at me. I merely shrugged. I sat in the chair in the corner while Bella slept all night.

She was cheery when she woke up the next morning. "I think I'm gonna go see Charlie today," she said as she ate her cereal.

"I'm sure he'd love to see you," I said. "When are you leaving?"

"As soon as I'm done with breakfast. Hey-when I get back, maybe we could watch a movie or something. If anyone else is around, tell them they're welcome to join too." She washed her bowl out in the sink and headed towards the door.

"Will do. Did you have anything in mind, or should I just pick something?" I asked.

"Whatever you want, just don't let Emmett pick. I can't do another _Ernest_ movie." She chuckled. I watched her get into the truck and pull away, feeling sad. Now I had nothing to do all day. I could go hunt, but I just went the other day…or I could follow Bella. Just to make sure she made it and all. I hopped off the counter and ran out the door.

The way Bella's truck drove; I would probably beat her there. I ran at a brisk pace, but not at my full speed. I think I might ask the family to take off tonight so that I could have the house to just myself and Bella. I could pick her up something for dinner. I wouldn't let myself say the word date.

I was trailing the highway Bella would have taken when I was hit with such a powerful wave of terror that I very nearly lost it. _Not Bella._ I pushed my speed to the max and ran towards the source. When I saw Bella's truck on the side of the road, I knew that I would never feel anything as terrifying as this again as long as I lived. I was so petrified that I didn't notice the scent until it was too late.

Another vampire. A scent I recognized. And venom. Too much venom.

"_You can't believe I wouldn't come back for you,_" the trilling, high voice chimed. Oh, God.

Victoria.

"_And now, I find out that he left you here, just waiting for me to find? He didn't want you enough to make you one of us. You know, originally I was going to kill you-a mate for a mate. But since he doesn't want you anymore, isn't it punishment enough to give you eternal life without him? I thought so. And you taste so good…"_

A roar stole out of my chest as I lunged myself forward blindly towards the voice. Victoria was laying over Bella, who was writhing in pain on the ground beneath her. I was beyond words. I was on top of her before she saw me coming, snarling and ripping and tearing and biting…she let out a feeble cry but she was no match for me. She was destroyed before she could raise her hand.

I turned my attention to Bella, immediately noticing the bite mark on her neck. _Damnit!_ Not like this. I didn't want it to be like this. I whipped out my phone, calling Carlisle first.

"_Jasper?" _he answered.

"Carlisle. It's Bella. You have to come-now. I'm on the side of the highway, mile marker 221. Please, please hurry." I cried, almost sobbing.

"_Jasper-you have to tell me what happened to Bella. Are you in control?"_

"I'm fine. It was Victoria. She came back, and-_Oh God_-I wasn't there. She got her, Carlisle." A pause.

"_I'm on my way._" I heard the phone click. I dialed Emmett's number next.

"_Bro?"_

"You have to come to mile marker 221. It's for Bella. You just…have to come. Now." No tears, why couldn't I make tears…

"_Done."_ Emmett hung up, needing no more prompting than the fact that it was for Bella. I waited, cradling her to my chest while the fire spread. I could smell it on her; the hint of difference creeping through. I wanted to tell her that it would be all right, but I couldn't. The phone in my pocket buzzed. Alice. I wouldn't have answered, but I wanted to know why. Why she didn't see this first.

I picked up. "_Please, please tell me I'm wrong. Tell me you made it in time." _So she saw it.

"No, Alice. No I didn't. Why the fuck didn't you see this sooner? Or did you, and you didn't want to stop it? Are you so hell-bent on me not being happy that you had to let it end for her _this way?"_

"_I swear I didn't see it until just now, or I would have called. I'm sorry. You tell her I'm sorry when she wakes up." _She hung up. Bella was fighting the scream, but I could tell she was in pain. So much pain. I wouldn't block it, either-I would feel it with her. I would burn with her because I should have been there. I should have known. Emmett ran up, looked between us, and let out an animalistic howl.

"What the hell happened here? Who is _that?_" he pointed at Victoria's remains.

"That's Victoria. I wasn't fast enough, Emmett. She bit her." I looked at him, eyes pleading for him to understand. To forgive me for letting this happen to his sister.

"You got her good, bro. You did Bella right. How would you have known she was after her? You have to hold yourself together now, because Bella needs you. I'm assuming you called so I could start a fire?" he ran through it all quickly, as was his fashion. But he was right. I had to hold it together for Bella. I tried to calm her, even just a little, but it had little effect.

Emmett had taken the pieces to the woods-I could see the smoke.

Carlisle's car pulled up behind Bella's truck and he emerged with a grim expression. He strode quickly to us, kneeling down to join us.

"Oh, Jasper. I do wish it didn't happen like this for her. It appears that the change is moving forward. We should get her home. She might be more comfortable there." He was grieved. I pulled Bella into my arms and moving gently into the backseat, cradling her to my chest. I heard Carlisle pull out his phone and call Esme. "Please get Bella's room ready-find something comfortable and light for her to wear. She was bitten, Esme-" I heard her sharp intake of breath-"I'll explain it when I get home. Call Rosalie." He hung up as Emmett joined us for the drive.

We got back to the house-Esme and Rosalie met us in the yard. Esme was so upset it was almost sickening. She was sobbing tearlessly as I pulled Bella out of the car. I marched her straight into her room as Carlisle brought Esme and Rosalie up to speed. I laid her on the bed and started to untie her shoes when Rosalie stopped me.

"Let me. Please-it would make her embarrassed if you did it." I nodded and stepped out of the room. I didn't have to guess the motivation behind Rosalie's nurturing-she always regretted being changed against her will. For the first time in Bella's time with us, she felt something in common with her. The rest of the family waited outside while Rose changed Bella; she signaled us in when she was finished.

We moved in, taking vigil by her bedside. I almost couldn't take the pain of it, but I wouldn't leave. We stayed that way for hours.

When the sun came up again, Bella let out her first scream.

***covers face* It was necessary, I swear!**


	13. We Don't Need No Water

**Disclaimer: not mine!**

**Let it be known that cullen818 is the best Beta ever. **

**Thanks guys, for not throwing too many rocks for that last chapter. But the way I see it, it's Bella. Worst. Luck. Ever. So naturally, to me, this was a very real (tee hee) possibility.**

"Do you think she can hear me, Carlisle? If I talk to her?" Why I was asking was beyond me; I think I just needed to hear my father's voice. I had dealt with countless newborns-but never this early in the change. I didn't know if I would do her any good trying to coax her through this. This was the second day of her transformation. Her physical appearance was already changing.

"It varies person to person, son. Rosalie could, but none of the others could focus on anything besides the pain. Bella is strong, though-it wouldn't hurt to try." It was just Carlisle and I right now-the others couldn't take Bella's pain for more than a few hours. It hurt Emmett to watch his 'little sister' writhe and scream. Rosalie was reminded too much of her change. Esme was motherly to the extreme, doing everything she could to stay in the room with her, but eventually having to steal away for a break.

I would not leave her side. I felt her pain; if not physically at the least emotionally. I would endure with her for not saving her in time. She screamed again; I could see Carlisle flinch out of the corner of my eye. "If you want to take a break, go ahead. I'll stay with her." I told him.

"Jasper, you need a break. This has to be affecting you worse than any of us-why don't you take a quick hunt?"

"I'm not going to leave her, Carlisle. I can't. I need to stay here with her. You go." He looked at me long and hard before shaking his head and heading downstairs. I lay down next to her, trying to cool her down. "Bella? If you can hear me, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should have been there. I should have stopped her. My biggest regret is that it had to be like this for you." She whimpered, reaching her hands up to pull at her hair. I gently grabbed her wrists and pulled them to her side. "No, sugar, you can't do that. You'll hurt yourself. You're going to be strong after this, you know that right? And you can stay with us forever. You can stay with me forever." I whispered, still not knowing if she understood anything I was saying. But I owed it to her. It seemed easier, telling her like this. It was selfish of me to want that, while she was burning to death.

"I really do care about you. I don't think I ever told you. I was afraid to, really. Afraid you wouldn't feel the same way about me. But I've decided that it doesn't matter. You pulled me from a ledge that I was barely balanced on, when you could barely stand yourself. I owe you my sanity." Her answering scream sent a chill down my spine-I could hear everyone downstairs take a collective breath. "I don't want to just be your friend anymore, honey. I don't think I have it in me." I looked up to see Esme peeking through the doorway.

"How is she?" she whispered. I shrugged.

"Much of the same. But she's changing-look. Her skin has paled, and she's firmer to the touch. Her temperature is substantially lower. Not quite matching ours, but close. Her voice…her voice is higher as well. You can hear it when she screams." Esme grimaced but took up her post next to Bella on the bed.

"I wish we knew how much longer…" she trailed off. I knew what she meant. She wanted to nail down a timeline, and there was only one way to get one.

"You call her. I can't. She'll help, I'm sure, but I just…I just can't do it right now." I was too bogged down with Bella's emotions to handle anything emotional myself-I needed to remain focused on her. If I faltered, she would feel it. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and tossed it towards her. She smiled gratefully.

I could hear the ringing on the other end. "It's Esme." She said, quelling any other notions. I wasn't going to listen to the voice on the other end. "Do you know how long?" a murmured response. "Thank you, dear," Esme replied, hanging the phone up. I looked at her questioningly.

"Tomorrow. She sees the clock around noon. She wouldn't say much else after that, except to let Bella know she was sorry." I nodded. Only one more day. She would be okay in one more day.

"Did you hear that, Bella? If you can pay attention, we know you'll wake up tomorrow afternoon. You're so close. Just stay strong for a little while longer. You're doing so well." I urged, encouraging her if she could hear me at all. The rest of the family had returned, having heard Esme on the phone.

"Who did you call?" Emmett asked.

"Alice. I wanted to know how long. I can't stand to see her in this kind of pain-now at least I know it's almost over." She justified.

"Good. You hear that, B? It's almost over. And hey-if anyone asks, you can say that there _is_ a pain worse than childbirth!" He crowed. That drew a smile from some of us in the room. All but Rosalie.

"Rosalie? Since you're the only one of us who remembers hearing voices during your change, why don't you tell us what helped you the most. What can we say to help Bella?" Carlisle asked. Rose took a seat, cradling Bella's head in her lap.

"Honestly, just knowing that it was almost over was the most encouraging. Of course, I didn't have an exact time, but I knew from your words that it was almost over. So I think you've said all you can say to her. It was a comfort to be able to just hear voices in general. Let's just…talk."

"Do you think she'll want to wrestle me when she wakes up?" Emmett asked. If I wasn't so sick with pain I would have chuckled.

Edward's POV

I had nothing to do today, so I was lounging around the castle. I was sitting in my room, reading a book when Aro came in.

"Edward! I know I say this often, but it's such a pleasure to see your eyes returning to their natural color." He smiled warmly.

"Thank you. I appreciate the compliment. What brings you to my room?" I asked. Aro very rarely visited my private quarters-that is, unless he had something he'd like for me to do. I picked one word out of his head-_Bella._

"I just received quite the interesting phone call-from your sister Alice, actually. I so wish she would visit…" he trailed off, running over the conversation in his head.

"_Aro?" Alice chimed, sounding conflicted. "There's something I would like you to pass along to my brother. Since I can no longer contact him directly. Would you mind?"_

"_Of course not! What news do you bring?"_

"_Tell him…tell him Victoria found Bella. Bella was bitten. She's changing as we speak. I thought he should know. Aro? Please tell him I'm sorry." The phone went dead._

My head snapped forward to face him, anger pulsing through my veins. Anger. Desperation. My poor Bella! It shouldn't have been that way for her; after everything I did to keep her safe, it shouldn't have been like that. I couldn't stop myself from crumpling to the floor and covering my face in my hands. She was in so much pain right now-pain that I had hoped to keep from her forever-and I wasn't there. I only hoped my family was taking care of her.

"Do you see what this means?" Aro asked.

"Enlighten me"_,_ I replied, trying very hard to keep my composure.

"She is one of us now. She can join you here. You could be together. Forever."

My heart sang through the pain. Bella-immortal. Wasn't that my deepest secret desire? To have Bella as one of us? Morally, I didn't want to destroy her soul-to damn her to an existence as a monster like me. But other thoughts soon invaded my head: She was no longer in any danger. No one would be able to hurt her again. And she could live here with me! I no longer held any animosity towards Aro for keeping me here against my will at first-the threats were just a means to bring me to a better life. I had made Bella safe, and now Victoria had made her immortal.

"If it pleases you, then she's welcome here. I ask that, should she agree, you would be held fully responsible while she gains control. No hunting in the city, as is standard. If you would like, you are welcome to go and retrieve her now." I smiled in excitement as I rose and strode out the door. I needed no more prompting than that.

Bella's POV

"_You hear that, B? It's almost over._" It sounded like Emmett, but I couldn't hear over the sound of my own scream. I was aware that my breath was becoming rapid and shallow, and that my heart was racing at almost too frantic of a pace.

The fire…I wanted to do something…anything to take my mind off of it. I wanted to pull my hair out. I wanted to scratch my skin off.

Why wouldn't they let me?!

I didn't want it to be like this.

I had no concept of time-I didn't know if it had been days or weeks or years or centuries. I knew they talked about it; I could hear their voices in the background. I could sometimes tell words and phrases, but most of the time it was just sound. It was a comfort, but I wished I could understand.

"_Make it stop!_" I managed to scream-the first words I've been able to muster. Immediately, I could feel someone touching my face.

"_It will stop, sugar. It'll stop real soon. Just a few more hours…" _Jasper's voice. I knew it was him. A few hours…

I tried to spend the time counting seconds, but they just grew longer and longer until I gave up.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, the fire moved towards my chest. I clenched my fingers together (which, blissfully, no longer smoldered) and arched my back, screaming louder than I would have thought possible. I could hear the rustle of the others moving closer-quiet whispers of their footsteps-but again, I was screaming too loud to notice much more. When the fire reached my heart, I thought for sure I was going to die.

And then I did.


	14. Failure

Jasper's POV

We heard her heart come to an abrupt halt. I immediately stopped breathing; I knew any sudden noise or movement would frighten her. I held a hand to the rest of the family to remind them to stay back. She'll get up on her own. I watched as she clenched and unclenched her fists. She was afraid. Suddenly she was sitting up, but she still hadn't opened her eyes. I debated on whether or not I should say something, no doubt she knew we were all there. I decided against it. Nobody moved as she took in the smells of her new world, no doubt more powerful than anything she's ever dealt with. I could feel everybody's impatience; the urge to run to her and welcome her to her new life. Hell, even though I knew better I wanted to run to her. I wanted to feel her skin as it matched my temperature. Hug her with a strength that would have killed her before. Kiss her since she no longer needed breath.

Then Bella opened her eyes. Shock was prominent as she saw us all for the first time. I saw Emmett grin from the corner of my eye. Esme was practically beaming.

"What…am I…Carlisle?" her new voice chimed, higher and more ringing then before. A wind chime. She was confused and scared, and looking towards our father figure for answers. It was natural to be disoriented at first. The human memories before the change are buried beneath a fog, and sometimes one can't shift them out.

"You were attacked, Bella. Victoria…bit you. Jasper arrived too late, but he destroyed her. We brought you home, and that's where you are now. Can you understand? How are you feeling?" it was good of him to explain everything step-by-step, slowly. That was key. Her panic spiked-she remembered.

"Oh, God! I didn't want it to be like that!" She whipped her head towards me almost too fast. "And you came after me? And…killed her?"

"With passion. I'm sorry I wasn't sooner. I wasn't running very fast…I was just checking on you. On a whim. And when I heard her…you'll never know how sorry I am." I tore my eyes away from her crimson ones, too ashamed to look at her.

"Why are you sorry? I think that you weren't going with me…it's hard to remember. But I remember that you were going to wait for me. It's not your fault." She was looking at me, very seriously, and feeling very passionate.

"I could have stopped her. And this wouldn't have happened. You wouldn't have had to go through all that pain." She just shook her head. She was very antsy. I could practically feel the tension she was exuding, and I was proud of her for keeping it in so well.

"No blame. It's over now. I don't hurt anymore." She was becoming distraught.

"What's wrong, then? You're very upset."

"You have to ask? I just…woke up. Everything is bright, and scary, and new, and I want to _rip_my throat out it hurts so bad, and I want to breathe but when I do it doesn't feel right…" she rambled, still clenching and unclenching her fists. Carlisle moved forward, finally.

"You're thirsty, Bella. I understand how overwhelmed you feel-we've all been there. If you would like, we think that the first thing you should do is hunt. You'll find it is slightly easier to control your thoughts when you've eaten." He was deliberately moving slow, but she was still startled. She crouched a little bit, but frowned when she realized what she was doing. He stopped when he saw her distress.

"Thirsty. Okay. Yeah. So…will I know how to do…this?"

"Absolutely. You'll find it should come naturally to you…for the most part." Carlisle was hesitant. But she should know.

"What do you mean, for the most part?" As Bella would say, her "freak out meter" was hitting its max. I had to control the situation, so I sent some waves to calm her down.

"What we'll be hunting won't be the most appetizing to you at first. Your body will know it's not…natural…for you to be hunting animals, and will repel a little bit. But that will dull over time. We're going to do what we can to keep you away from anything that might be, ah, _more appealing_ to you, so you won't know the temptation." _Way to put it, Carlisle. _Bella was frowning.

"So I'm not going to want to eat what I have to eat." She stated.

"That's the gist of it. But cheer up-it won't suck for long, and then it'll be all good. He he, suck…" Emmett chortled, but his upbeat mood did nothing for Bella. She was frantic. She needed to eat.

"We have to go. Now." I said, moving towards the door. I assumed an explanation wouldn't be necessary. But of course it wasn't that easy.

"Why? What's wrong? Did I do something?" more fear.

"Bella, sugar, you're very upset. I understand everything must be crazy for you right now, but Carlisle's right. You'll feel better once you've eaten, and I'll feel better in turn."

"And you're all going, so that I don't take off and eat someone. I'm dangerous now." Another statement. More panic. I turned towards her and pushed all the calm I had left towards her. I stared her straight in the eyes.

"Bella, we're only trying to protect you. Think of how devastated you would be if you hurt someone. I know you don't think it's a risk right now, but you're very new. You don't know the temptation. It will be like nothing you've ever experienced before, and when that hits, you'll be glad we're there. If it would make you feel better, one of us could take you while the others lagged behind, surveying the area." _Please ask me, please ask me, please ask me…_

"Yes, I think I'd like that. Would you….go with me? Show me the ropes?" Her immense relief relaxed my knotted muscles, and I was finally able to smile.

"Of course. I'll show you everything you never knew." And we were off. We moved very quickly; Bella found the speed exciting.

"I'm fast! Look! This is amazing! So much better than riding…" she exclaimed as she pushed herself full-hilt. I was able to keep up, but not by much. It was very difficult to run and watch her at the same time…

I heard the family stop about a mile back-close enough to prevent an incident, but far enough to give us a bit of privacy. This will be messy, and I'm sure Bella will appreciate the distance. I stopped, and when she saw my abrupt halt she stopped as well.

"So we're really going to do this. I'm going to do this. When I imagined myself as…one of you, I always overlooked this part. It would be natural to me, I thought, so it never crossed my mind. And now I feel like I'm going bungee jumping and I'm scared." _That_ is the understatement of the year. She was terrified.

"Don't worry, Bella. It's not hard, and you'll feel better. Just close your eyes and let your body take over." She did as I said, and after a few moments her body shifted into a crouch and she started to move. Taking a quick inventory, I could smell a mountain lion to the East. A carnivore would be easier; more appetizing. I was afraid her first meal would be an elk. I tried to move parallel with her so that I didn't alarm her and set her off the hunt. I admit, Bella hunting was absolutely glorious. She was stealth, and grace, and sex all in one perfect little brunette-tied package. I imagined what I could do to her, now that she was no longer fragile. I tried very hard to resist the urge to growl as I felt myself growing hard just watching her. Her head whipped around as she heard the mountain lion make an attempt at running; she was on it in a flash. She grappled with it for a moment before finding the vein in its neck and sinking her teeth in. I could see the blood she was accidentally wasting as it dripped down her pale throat and onto her shirt. She drank greedily, but I could see a hint of distaste on her face. Before long, she was done. She glanced up at me, eyes glazed with the pleasure of a first hunt. She was covered in blood. Her emotions were a roller coaster; satiated, pleased, disgusted, and there was even a touch of lust in there. It wasn't uncommon for a vampire to tie the thrill of the hunt to sexual pleasure-in newborns, it was especially prominent.

She stood up and moved towards me slowly, tauntingly. I was projecting. My better half, who had been in charge most recently, was telling me to take her to the river and clean her up, and then go back to the house. But the bad boy in me wanted to pull her towards me and show her how nice it is to be unbreakable. She licked her lips, pulling some of the excess blood onto her tongue and into her mouth, and that was all it took.

I grabbed her by the arm and yanked her forward; she was startled, but not upset. She was still riding the high of her first hunt. I grabbed her hair and pulled her head back, licking the trail of blood that ran from her throat to just under her bottom lip. Her first growl slipped through her lips at the sensation. I traced my tongue around the outline of her lips, gathering every last drop before pulling away. I had to take her back now, or I wouldn't be able to. I may be some kind of monster, but I wasn't going to violate her any further on her first day.

"Come on, let's go back. We have family waiting." She moved with me, still stunned.

"Wait," she yanked my arm back. It almost hurt. I motioned for her to continue. "When I was burning, I heard you talking to me. I heard everything you said to me." I hadn't had time to think about that. "Did you mean what you said? About not being able to be my friend?"

I swallowed.

"I meant every word. When I found you after Victoria bit you, I completely lost it. In all my years, nothing has frightened me more than the thought of losing you. I think I've known for some time that I've felt something for you, but that just made it clear. And I meant it when I said I didn't care if you felt the same way or not. I'm here for you, however you want me." She thought for a moment, regarding me with her red eyes.

"When I was burning, for the longest time the only voice I could recognize was yours. You got me through that horrible time, when I wanted nothing more than to die. That means something. You mean something." She smiled, and left it at that.

Alice's POV

What have I done? What am I _doing?_ I can't find him, he left. He didn't want me. I gave up. And then Bella. Bella-bitten. And Bella with Jasper. Bella _kissing _Jasper. No! So I called Edward. He should know. I brought this on him, after all. Or, I told the people in charge of him. And he knew, and now he was going back with red eyes. Carlisle would be so sad, and now I can't see what happens with anybody else. The visions of Bella and Jasper were gone for so long, and then all of the sudden…it had to be tied to her becoming a vampire. But I don't know…everything is so disjointed. I got those flashes, and now they were all gone. I can't see the Cullens. But I'm done meddling. I have to figure out what I'm going to do. I'm not going to call them and tell them Edward's coming home-let them be surprised. I've done more harm than good.

I'm a failure.


	15. Welcome Home

**Disclaimer: kitty is not Stephanie Meyer. **

**I 3 Cullen818 for being my wicked awesome Beta. Go, check out her trilogy! Now!**

"So tell me what happened," I asked after Bella had time to get accustomed to the shock of the change. I wanted to know what Victoria had said to her before she bit her. Everyone else might be frightened of asking, but I wasn't. I could sense her hesitation, too.

"She grabbed the back of my truck, and yanked it to a stop. At first, I thought I hit something, or that my truck gave out or something. Until she ripped my door open. I just…froze. She, ah, pulled me out by my hair and threw me to the ground. I thought for sure she was going to kill me." She took a moment to pause, and I had to get a handle on my emotions. I was thrilled that I killed her. "She asked me where Edward was, and I told her. I was going to die anyway, what did it matter? That's when she laughed. She said her plan was originally to kill me, but that turning me would be more justice, since Edward left me. She wanted me to spend eternity living with the pain of that. That's when she bit me. I assume that you arrived shortly after." A small growl escaped her throat; she was angry. I was too-I couldn't stop the visible shudder that ran through me at Bella's last moments.

"I'm glad she's dead." I spat. She nodded furiously in agreement, still growling a little. "Thank you for telling me. But I don't want to dwell on it any longer, it makes me angry. What would you like to do?"

"I want to break something."

I raised my eyebrows, waiting for an explanation.

"I'm strong now; I can feel it pulsing through me. I want to let loose-try some stuff I couldn't do before. I want to go crazy. Jasper, I can barely keep my head on straight-I need to move." Ahh…I had almost forgotten that she was a newborn. I immediately felt bad.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I…just can't get used to the idea of you as a vampire. It's so strange to me. I'm sorry. Of course, we'll go out to the woods and you can go nuts." She grinned and raced for the door. Once we got to the woods, she didn't waste any time. She ran straight for the first medium-sized tree she could find and pulled it out of the ground. I could feel her glee as she threw it across the field at top speed.

"Oh, holy crap, Jasper! Did you _see_ that?" She squealed, leaping across the field towards me at lightning speed.

"How does it feel?" I asked.

"Oh, so good. Incredible. Like I can do anything. I _can_ do anything!" she screamed, moving towards the tree she had taken down. She picked it up with one hand, and tossed it again. "My God…" she whispered. I was so glad that she could experience this and feel so good about it. When I woke up, it was a completely different story. I wanted her to have her fun.

Bella stopped in her tracks, whipping her head towards me and feeling panicked. I immediately went defensive, crouching and searching for the hint of danger.

But it wasn't danger.

It was Edward.

Bella was growling, tensed and ready to pounce. If I didn't get in front of her soon, she would attack him. _You're going to scare her, Edward. You need to make yourself known._ I tried to warn him.

"It's me," I heard him call. _Now what the hell are you doing here?_ "I came back for you, Bella."

She stopped growling, but her ever-growing sense of panic had not ceased. "Edward? Is that…Edward?" she was staring at me, fear evident in her eyes. I nodded. Now she was at a fever pitch. I moved closer, trying to calm her down. I reached for her hand. It seemed to work; she visibly relaxed. _What the hell are you thinking, Edward? Coming back now? Did you know?_ Of course he knew. Alice must have told him. Well, remind me to thank her for the heads up.

"I'm surprised she didn't call you, actually. I figured as soon as my decision was made she would be on the phone and warning you all." I couldn't get a handle on his feelings-they were strange. Superiority was what I was feeling, and a sense of strange rightness.

I quickly learned why.

Edward emerged from the trees, and his eyes were a deep crimson. _You're feeding from humans?_ I couldn't stop the astonishment.

"All those years I doubted your sanity, Jasper-I wondered what the appeal was for you. Now I know you were right." I was gaping at him, unable to believe what I was hearing.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Edward? What the hell? Why are you feeding from humans? What do you want?" Bella was tensed to spring-I was afraid the shock would be too much for her. She was taking deep breaths-probably more out of habit than anything-and even with my touch she was hitting an alarming rate of fear.

"Bella-oh, Bella…" Edward was looking at Bella as if this was the most natural reunion in the world. "I only came back for you-to take you back with me! Aro has agreed to let you join the family, so that we can be together again. I only left to keep you safe, but now…now nothing can happen to you!" he was exultant. I growled and pulled Bella behind me-this asshole wasn't going to take her from me now, after all we've been through. Edward rounded on me, snarling lightly. This was quickly going to escalate. "What was that last thought, brother? Take her from you? I don't believe she's yours to keep." This wasn't Edward-this wasn't my brother. I didn't know who this was.

"And she is not yours to claim. Leave, now, before Carlisle sees you and you disappoint him. Again." I snapped.

"ENOUGH." This time, it was Bella who spoke. She pulled her hand away from mind and stepped to where she was facing Edward. "You. You make me sick. Looks like leaving to protect me worked like a charm, didn't it? I can't let you do that to me again. And you're feeding from humans? My God, Edward…what happened to you?"

"Bella, you don't know the whole story-the Volturi, they made me stay! They would have killed you if I didn't comply. They forced me to feed like this-I had no choice." Surprisingly, Bella laughed.

"And you sound so disappointed about it, might I add. I don't care what the reasoning was. I don't care. I don't want to go with you. Something you told me stuck with me-I don't want to be a monster. And you're right-I don't."

I have never wanted to cheer so hard in my life. Bella spun on her heels to turn away when Edward decided to act on his anger. He grabbed her arm and tried to pull her towards him.

I couldn't stop the laugh that escaped when he _couldn't._

Bella let out a low, ferocious growl-by far the hottest thing I have ever heard-and yanked her arm away, actually bringing Edward towards her a few feet. I could barely see through the anger that was pulsating off of her; it was ridiculous. I was surprised Edward didn't feel it; it was incredibly overwhelming. "Don't you…ever…touch me again. You crawl back to your _new_ family _by yourself_. I have no desire to go with you. I am staying here-with Jasper." This time it was Edward's turn to growl. I could feel the realization break through as he figured out that there was more to us than what he saw.

"What the hell is this?" he snapped.

"_This_ is none of your damn business. Remember-you left. I can get involved with whomever I want." Bella snarled back, equally pissed.

"So that's what's going on? You two are _involved_?"

"We're more than you and I are!" she screamed in response.

"I'll kill you!" he screamed, this time directed at me. _What happened to you, Edward?_ I tensed to defend, but it wasn't necessary.

"What is going on?!" Carlisle called, effectively breaking up the argument as it stood. Bella was so charged with anger that she inadvertently hissed at Carlisle, who thankfully ignored the judgment. "Edward?" His emotions went from curious to joyous to disappointed very quickly. He must have noticed the eyes.

"Oh, Edward…no…" Esme had followed. I could feel some remorse breaking through Edward's righteous outer shell-thank God.

"Is everything alright? I heard shouting." Carlisle spoke again. None of us knew how to answer. No, it wasn't alright, and no, please don't ask him to stay.

"You shut up," he spat at me, "you make me sick." _That's how it's going to be?_

"_I_ make _you_ sick?"

"Enough. Edward, what's brought you back? I was under the impression that you were on an extended leave from the family." That's a nice way of putting it.

"I came back for Bella. I got a call from Alice, explaining what had happened. I was being held in Volterra against my will, Carlisle, or I would have come back sooner."

I scoffed.

"Jasper-stop it. Edward, please explain. Why did they allow you to come back now? And what did you do to end up in that situation in the first place?"

"They forced me under their hand-they said they would kill Bella if I didn't work for them. I had no choice but to comply-to keep her safe. When news of her change arrived, Aro granted me leave to bring Bella back with me." He let this flow from his lips as if it was the most natural explanation in the world.

"And did you not consider what Bella would want? She's chosen to follow our lifestyle Edward, which apparently you have turned away." More guilt from Edward.

"I…did not. I assumed." He wasn't going to elaborate on why he was still following that particular lifestyle. _Coward._ He growled at me.

"Edward, I'd like more of an explanation from you. Please, come back to the house and explain."

"NO!" Bella cried. "I don't want him anywhere near _our_house. Carlisle, he put his hands on me! He left me, and then came back to try and drag me to Volterra! For me-please." As much as Carlisle loved Bella, I wasn't sure if he would consent to that-Edward was his first son. Carlisle looked between the two, uncertainty flowing like a river.

"I love you, Bella, but I owe Edward this much." Carlisle's pained face ripped through me like a knife. I hated to see him torn between his 'children.' Bella considered him for a long moment, but her adoration for Carlisle won over.

"I know. I'm sorry. Jasper? Will you stay with me in my room while they talk? I don't want to be a part of it."

"Of course. I'm sure we can find something to do." _Think about _that, _Edward._ The group proceeded back to the house-the tension was so thick I almost had to swim through it. But true to my word, Bella and I marched straight upstairs and to her room. Edward wasn't happy, that much was certain, but his emotions were still very strange to me. It was like they were covered with a blanket-masked, almost.

"Do you want to talk about it, Bella?" I asked because it was expected.

"No, I don't. I don't want to think about him. I don't want to see him. I just want him to leave me alone and never come back." I was stunned by her words.

"I can't help but feel confused by your train of thought."

"It's hard for me to organize my thoughts, Jasper. But I _do_ know that I am so incredibly pissed off at him that I don't even know what to do. Every choice he has made with me-no, made _for_ me-has been wrong! And he never considered my feelings. Not once. I don't want any part of that. So it's just easier if I don't have to."

I wasn't going to argue with her-I was happier without Edward here. I was not going to let him get in the way of what Bella and I might have. Before long, however, I heard a door slam. I wasn't paying attention to what was going on downstairs, so I opened the door and stuck my head out. "What's happened?" I called. I couldn't sense Edward anymore-he must have left.

"Edward is determined to win Bella's affections. He's gone to get her a gift." I rolled my eyes as I heard Bella's laugh in the background. "I couldn't deter him-his mind is set. He said he'd be back shortly."

"If it doesn't work, did he agree to leave?" Bella called from behind me.

"I don't think that would be a problem, but I didn't get him to agree with it." Carlisle went to sit by the door while Bella and I went back into her room. She was nervous, I could tell, but I couldn't imagine anything Edward could give her to change her mind. What was he even thinking, anyway? It only took him about an hour before he was knocking on the door again.

But it wasn't Edward that alarmed me this time.

It was _what _he had with him.

Human.

I saw Bella's nostrils flair just as I moved to grab her by the arms. "What is _that_?!" she screeched as her body became overcome with desire. I clamped my hands down on both of her forearms, but I was still afraid for her. All reason had left her eyes at this point-a feeling that I've experienced more than once. She was, for the first time, truly hungry.

"Edward! What were you thinking? You can't…you didn't think about Bella!" This human wasn't going to make it regardless-they had been pulled into something they couldn't get out of.

"Oh, but I did, Carlisle! She should have the right to choose-the right to know what she's missing out on. Bella-do you smell this? I want you to know that it tastes as good as it smells. And if you come back with me, it will be like this all the time."

Bella snarled in response, wanting nothing more than to plunge past me and down the stairs. Esme was at my side immediately, trying to show her daughter back to herself. "Bella, honey? It's Esme. Come on, sweetie-you don't want this. Remember who you are." But she wasn't having any of that. She tried to push past us once again.

"Edward-I have never been so disappointed in you. You have to go-now. If you don't leave willingly, we will remove you by force." Carlisle's heart was breaking, but he was firm. He meant it.

"Not until Bella makes a choice." He replied, feeling smug once again.

"I _want_ it, Jasper. LET ME GO!" Bella snarled, and flung me to the ground.


	16. Look What You Made Me Do

**Disclaimer: I do not own!!!**

**Thanks for all the love guys, keep it coming!**

**I hope this lives up to your expectations.**

**Thanks to cullen818 for being my super-fantastic Beta! She also gave me some good tips for this chapter. And I'd also like to thank Clurrabella for pushing me in the right direction with this chapter.**

I was fast.

Not fast enough.

I flew from the floor and down the stairs faster than I'd ever moved in my entire life. From the commotion, I knew.

"Bella, NO!" Esme screamed. I rounded the corner just in time to see Bella fisting her hand in the girl's hair and pulling her towards her. I felt the girl's fear as Bella's teeth pierced her skin, and the absolute terror as she felt the blood begin to flow from her body. Edward was smiling-he was practically glowing with satisfaction as he watched. Emmett reached Bella first-within seconds he had pulled her from the girl and began yanking her outside. Bella growled furiously, snapping and clawing as she tried to break away. Carlisle had joined Emmett, and the two of them together were strong enough to remove her from the room.

I don't know why they even bothered.

The girl was feeling the venom now-if something wasn't done she would be changed. I turned to Edward.

"Finish her, you bastard."

His answering smirk almost sent me over the edge. The venom was already coursing through my veins from all the action. Not to mention the scent of fresh blood. I was afraid if Edward didn't act, I would. He turned towards the woman, pulled her head back by her hair, and sunk his teeth in. Moments later and she was gone. He actually had the nerve to lick his lips.

"Her venom made it sweeter." _Enough._

I crossed the space between us in half a second, grabbing Edward by the waist and dragging him down to the ground. He snarled and flipped over before I had a chance to lock my arms around his neck. I snapped at him, catching his shoulder with my teeth. His answering hiss only made me dig in deeper. His hand closed around a chunk of my hair, yanking my teeth away from his shoulder. At least it would leave a mark.

All of the sudden, Edward was against the wall. I shook myself, looking around for whoever had pulled him off of me-all I could feel was intense anger.

"LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!" Bella had Edward by the neck pressed against the wall-his feet weren't even touching the ground. She used her other hand to smack him hard across the face, leaving a smear of blood behind. Bella had blood on her hands.

"You liked it, though, didn't you?" he choked, staring her straight in the eyes. "After a while, you stop seeing them as beings. Eventually, you only see red. Ask your boyfriend-he knows the feeling well." That earned him another smack.

"Why would you make me do that? If you loved me, you would have let me make my own choice. You never did. And I see now that you never will. I want you to hear me loud and clear. I. Do. Not. Want. You. I want you to leave, and never come back. I do not belong to you." She enunciated every word, never ceasing to look at his face.

"I've travelled half the world to say I belong to you, Bella. I only want to give you the most fulfilling life possible. Why is that not good enough?" I had to give kudos to the girl for not letting him drop all this time. His words were still coming out strangled.

"I don't want your life. I have my own. This is your last chance."

_Take it, Edward. Take her advice and go. _I thought.

"Why? So you can have her? Tell me, Jasper-do you still want her now that she doesn't smell so good? Or can you not wait for me to go so that you can lick the blood from her face-because that's all you're after. I've seen inside your head." I sat, frozen at his words. Were they true? Was that all I was after? I remembered the hunting trip we'd had-was it only the blood that pulled me to her? I turned my eyes to Bella's furious face-rage was written on her features and a low growl was building deep in her chest.

No.

It was everything about her.

"I warned you." She sunk her teeth deep into his neck. His eyes widened in shock and for the first time he began to struggle. For a fierce moment I thought she was going to behead him, but Emmett came up behind her and pulled her away.

"You'll be pissed if you kill him." He murmured, soothing her in his own way. I stood and moved to where she was standing, still wrapped in Emmett's arms, as Carlisle finally came forward. His immense grief let me know what was happening before he spoke.

"You're not my son anymore. This person you've become will eventually destroy you. I urge you to find another way-but it's not going to be here. Go-for everybody's sake." Carlisle stared hard at Edward, no doubt telling him something not for our ears. Edward waited, but only for a second. He gave one fleeting glance at Bella, and for a moment I saw his old self. I felt his emotions-stronger now than they had been since he arrived-and he did truly love her.

"Like you never will." He snarled at me before turning and disappearing into the trees.

I watched him go, afraid to turn around and face my family. They were destroyed by this. So much pain.

"If I let you go, promise me you won't go after him." Emmett asked Bella, who hadn't made any move to struggle.

"I don't want to go after him." I turned around in time to see him release her. "You okay, bro? Did he get you?" He asked me.

"I'm fine." _Lie._Nobody else said anything. I watched Carlisle place his arm around Esme, who was sobbing tearlessly into his chest. He turned to take her inside. Rosalie and Emmett walked towards the garage, no doubt wanting to escape the grief in the house. Rosalie put up a hard front, but she was grieving as well. This left Bella and I. Looking at her, I felt as if a spring inside of me would snap at any given moment.

"How do I forget what I did?" she asked quietly.

"You'll never forget. I remember them all." She closed her eyes at my response. I watched her trail her hand to her face, feeling for the dried blood that was still there.

"It was like I blacked out. I smelled her, and then all I could do was go after her. There wasn't any of _me_ left inside." She was drowning in guilt.

"I'd tell you it's not your fault, but it is. It's our nature-you only did what your instincts told you to do. We are not human, Bella. You can't blame yourself for what you are." I wanted to console her, but I wouldn't lie to her. Not again. She sighed.

"I know. But it's one thing being told that, and another thing experiencing it for yourself. You want to know the worst part? I would have taken off Emmett's arm to get back to her." Her face crumpled as the grief set in.

"I would have killed my entire family just to get to you at your birthday party, remember?" I reminded her, hoping now that she would fully understand what I went through.

"Oh, God, Jasper-that must have been awful! When it happened, I remember thinking that it was just your nature-I never blamed you. I can see now how right I was." She walked towards me and placed her arms around my waist. I was taken aback, but I didn't hesitate to return the gesture. Her shoulders were heaving-she was trying to cry. "Somebody is dead because of me…" she whispered.

"No. Somebody is dead because of Edward. He forced your instincts." I said, hoping she would understand. I knew Bella, though-she would always blame herself for what happened. Suddenly she lurched away from me, stomping furiously towards the trees.

"God damn it!" she cried, fisting the nearest tree. It shattered. "I don't know who I am, Jasper. I don't know who the FUCK I am!" She crumpled to the ground. I ran to her, automatically pulling her into my lap.

"You have to believe me when I say this feeling will go away. You won't be like this forever. We all went through it." I tried to soothe her, stroking her hair and rubbing her back.

"I don't know what's going on in my own head anymore. I don't know what I want to do. I want so many things all at once-it's making me crazy! I can't focus!" She cried. She was clutching me now, pulling herself closer. She was quickly becoming frantic-I needed to quell the situation quickly. I'd seen this too many times in the past.

But Bella had other ideas.

She pulled herself up to where we were eye level, and then crashed her lips to mine. How long had I waited for her to come to me? And now it was tainted. Tainted because of Edward. She wound her hands in my hair, trying to bring herself flush with my body.

She was trying to channel her anger and her frustration into lust.

And Oh _God_ I wanted it bad.

But I _would not_ be retaliation for Edward's mistakes.

I managed to pull away slightly; enough to look her in the eyes. They were wild.

"Bella. I can't let this happen. You're angry and confused, and I won't let myself be a mistake. If this happens, I want it to be because of us. I want to help you work through these emotions, I truly do, but you know it can't be like this." My biggest fear right now was that she was going to take this to mean that I didn't want her. Which, according to my increasingly tight pants, was absolutely not the case. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.

"I know. I _know._ I'm just all over the place, and…God. I don't even know. I'm sorry."

"Oh, sugar, don't be sorry. You kiss like nothing else I've ever experienced. And trust me-I want more. But I don't want any regrets either. Now-what do you feel like doing? I think maybe you should take some time to speak with Carlisle and Esme-what they did back there, they did for you." I could still feel the deep sadness coming from inside the house.

"You don't think they're mad at me?" she asked meekly, peeking at me from behind her hair.

"No. They love you, Bella, and they're worried about you. I think they both need you right now, too." She looked at me for another minute before nodding and going into the house.

I took off for a quick hunt.

Edward's POV

That _bastard._ Jasper. I scoffed at the mere thought of his name. It wasn't so long ago that he was exactly like me-worse even! And she runs to him like a cat to milk. I knew that if he hadn't been there, she would have gladly come with me. He was in her head now.

And Bella-telling me she didn't want me. If I couldn't get her to come willingly, then I would have to come up with something else. I just need to tear her away from the rest of _them_ to get her to see reason.

A slow smile crept to my face as I realized just _who_ Bella would come for.

**Virtual cookies to anyone who could catch my Muse reference!**


	17. Clean

**Disclaimer: these characters, however delicious, do not belong to me. only plot. **

**One thing I want you to remember: at the beginning of this story, I said things were going to get rough, and that I didn't know how it was going to end. **

Bella talked to Carlisle and Esme for hours. Esme told her the story of the first time she slipped up as a newborn, and I could tell that Bella was shocked at the revelation. Bella had always imagined Esme as infallible. I could tell that she was feeling marginally better from hearing this. Carlisle explained to her that he did not, under any circumstances, blame her for Edward going off the deep end. _"Bella, what happened with Edward is not your fault. He made his choices-what was behind those decisions I may never know, but they were _his_ choices. It was unacceptable for him to come here and force you like that."_ Bella sniffed, and I knew she was finding this hard to believe. She still didn't understand that she was part of this family, and no amount of reminders would convince her so. Finally, she emerged from their room to find me sitting on the steps.

"Were you waiting for me?" she asked, spinning down to sit next to me.

"Yes. I wanted to see if you were feeling better. I'm glad you are." She was still sad, but her emotions had calmed and she was no longer disappointed with herself-much. She smiled, and then leaned forward to press her lips to mine. It was only a brief kiss; soft, but full of thanks. When she moved away, I could swear her lips were still there. "What was that for?" I asked, surprised.

"For being there for me. For fighting for me. For always being honest with me." She was looking at me, her wide red eyes full of emotion. My heart fell through my chest. I _hadn't_ always been honest with her. In fact, I carried a very large discretion on my shoulders. And she deserved to know. She deserved to have the whole story before she decided if she wanted me or not. I meant what I said-I wouldn't be a mistake.

"Bella, will you come for a walk with me? I'd like to talk to you about something." She was puzzled, but stood up and moved towards the door with me. We walked away from the house, just far enough to where we wouldn't be heard. I stopped and turned to look at her. She watched me expectantly, curiosity very prominent in her eyes. I leaned in to kiss her as she did me. Soft, tender. I needed one more before I ruined everything.

"What was that for?" she asked, mimicking my question earlier. A grin tugged at the corners of her mouth.

"I lied to you." I blurted, because I didn't know how else to say it.

"About what?" she asked, still confused. She wasn't angry. Yet.

"Do you remember when you asked me to show you how my power worked?" I said, hoping that maybe her human memories were too far gone. Her brow furrowed as she fought through the fog of her mind.

"I _think_ so. You showed me, and then you got angry. You said something about wanting to take it further, that you were enjoying it too much."

"Yes. And then you asked me if I had done it to you before, and I said no. But that was a lie. I couldn't stand to tell you the truth then, for you to see me for what I truly was." I could feel the tingling of anger pulsing around the corners of her feelings, but it hadn't quite broken through.

"So wait. What do you mean, you lied? Are you saying that you had done it to me before, without my permission?" She questioned.

"Yes. When you used to ask for my help to sleep-those were the first times. At first, I was just curious to see if I could do it-if I could push my power differently. And then…then I just…_wanted_ it. You would say my name, and moan, and touch yourself, and it was like you really _did_ want me like that. I wasn't myself anymore. At the time, I didn't care. I'm sorry." My meager apology uttered lastly was so quiet she wouldn't have heard it if she wasn't a vampire. I waited, not looking her in the eyes. I couldn't. She was embarrassed and furious.

"How could you do that to me, Jasper?" she breathed, and her pain was my pain. The pain that I caused.

"I don't know."

"That's it? You don't know? What kind of answer is that?" Her voice was rising now, and she had taken a step towards me.

"I don't know what made me do it. I liked the way I could manipulate you. And when you would whisper my name, not Edward's, I finally felt like I was worth something to someone. Like for once, I was better than someone. Edward wasn't lying when he told you I lacked self control, Bella. It's not always about bloodlust." She was so angry that she was shaking.

"I'll always be some sort of prize, won't I? I'll never be a person, or whatever the hell I am! Something to toy with, that's all. Weak and easy to play with." She glared at me, and I was afraid she would attack.

"It's not like that." I mumbled.

"Oh, yes it is. It's always been like that. With Edward, and now with you. You know what? I can't even look at you right now. I don't know what to say to you. I'm going back to the house, and I strongly urge you _not_ to follow me." She spun on her heels and sped off towards home.

I wouldn't follow her. I lay down where I stood and gave myself completely to my emotions. I let my fists pound the earth, bringing up clumps of dirt as they rose. I screamed, because I didn't care who heard me for once. It was the first time in my life I wished I could cry. When Esme would sob into Carlisle's chest for whatever reason, I couldn't understand the frustration she would project. Now I knew that it was for the tears that would never fall. The tears that, somehow, would provide the relief she needed to _really _feel something. At some point during my breakdown, it had started to rain. I let the drops hit my face, hoping that they'd wash away this feeling, or maybe drown me. Impossible. I didn't move. The rain was fast now, and I was soaking wet. I wondered what Bella had told the family. Had she told them the truth?

I brought myself to the question: now what? I had ruined the best thing that had ever happened to me. I was incapable of doing anything right. I should just leave, and never come back. They'd all be better off without me. Something was moving beneath me-my cell phone. It was on vibrate, and it was going crazy. I almost didn't bother to answer it.

"Hello?" I managed to choke out.

"_Jasper. I saw what happened."_ Alice. Of course.

"What do you want, Alice?" There was no kindness left in me at this point. I had exhausted my reserves.

"_I want you to come back to me. I'm in England. We could start over."_ I took a deep breath. The back of my mind shouted that I should have seen this coming, but my irrational brain didn't care. It was screaming at me to go where I was wanted. I couldn't look at Bella's face and see the accusation there again. No more. I wouldn't hurt her again. And suddenly, Edward's logic made perfect sense.

She was better off without me.

"Yeah. Okay. Book me a flight." And I hung the phone up.

Bella's POV

That _bastard!_ Of course, I should have known that nothing would turn out good for me. Naturally. My life is one big pile of fuck ups; I should be used to it by now. But for some reason, Jasper's lie struck me deep. Deeper than Edward's. I thought he was the one person that I could trust. The one person who would always tell me the truth, no matter what.

I would always be a game to them. A pet.

I stormed into the house and didn't bother to stop and talk to anyone. What could I say? Someone screwed me over _again?_ Your _other_ son is a big fat liar too? I settled for slamming my door hard enough to break it from the hinges. Emmett was the first up the stairs.

"Whoa, there, killer, what's got you in a rage?" he asked, trying to put up a good face.

"Nothing." He raised his eyebrows at me, but didn't say anything more before turning and leaving the room. He knew when to take a hint, for the first time in his life.

I should just pack up and leave. Oh, wait, I can't. The whole 'newborn bloodlust crazy' thing was against me. I wondered if Jasper would bother coming back. Considering the fact that I told him not to may play into that factor, but I couldn't find it in myself to feel bad about it. Yet. I knew I would later, because I always do, but right now, I was a big ball of angry. Was there something on my forehead that attracted this kind of shit? In the midst of rambling to myself, I heard a knock on the door-or what was left of it at least.

"Yeah." It was Carlisle, and he took my meager greeting as permission to enter.

"Bella, what happened? I just got an interesting phone call from Jasper. I can only assume you can fill me in on the details." Interesting call?

"We had a fight. He told me some things that were…upsetting to me. I may have told him not to follow me home." I looked at him defiantly, daring him to challenge my decision.

"Can I ask what he said to you? I should tell you he took your words to heart." Uh oh. So yes to the question 'did he take me seriously?'

"He used to manipulate me when I was sleeping. Made me do things. Say things. You get the drift. I yelled. He took it." Yep, so _there's_ the guilt I was waiting for. Carlisle only nodded. "What do you mean, took my words to heart? He's not coming back?"

"I'm afraid not. He asked me to forward his things to him. In England." _England?_ What an odd place for him to…oh. I knew who was overseas. And I knew who wanted him back.

"He went back to Alice, didn't he?" I said flatly, already knowing the answer.

"Yes." Of course he did.

**I know, I know-WTF? but, unlike the beginning of this story, I DO know how this will end. Trust me.**


	18. The In Between

I ran to the airport almost sluggishly; I didn't want to go. I knew this, but my feet kept moving in that direction. Maybe I was just looking for someone to want me-someone I couldn't screw up with. Alice always took me back-each time I would slip, each little transgression…When I called Carlisle to tell him I was leaving, I knew he was upset. He thought Bella and I were becoming close, and he was happy to have me as an independent part of the family. He thought I was gaining a sense of self-that I had found the reasons to stay with his lifestyle.

I had let myself gain a false sense of security in the relationship I had with Bella. The black cloud of my lie hung over me, but I pushed it aside. I knew, in my heart of hearts, that I would have to tell her eventually. But it didn't make it any easier. I could still see her face as she broke down, yelling at me to go and not come back. This made me remember why I was going-she wanted me gone. My phone rang and interrupted me from my misery: Alice.

"Hello." I answered in a dead voice.

"_Jasper, your flight is leaving out of gate 320. I'll be waiting for you at the airport! I can't wait…I'm so excited! I've missed you so much!" _She squealed, but her tone made me question something. Why did she leave me in the first place?

"Can I ask you something?" I asked.

"_Of course!_" I was surprised she hadn't seen what I was going to say.

"What happened to the man you left me for?" Silence. "Well?" I prodded. She wasn't going to escape this question. I needed to know.

"_He…didn't want me."_ So again I was second best.

"I see. So you were just biding your time, waiting for me to slip up so that you could convince me to come back to you?" I was onto something here.

"_It's not like that, Jasper."_

"Then tell me, Alice, what _is_it like?" Enough. What was I thinking? I hung the phone up without waiting for a response. I was sick to death of being a background to her. I wasn't going to let her beat me further into the ground. She waited-she knew what was going to happen, and she waited. I cringed-I didn't realize just how vindictive she could truly be. She left me to go flouncing around Europe, looking for some man who was better than me, and then when he didn't want her? Oh, well Jasper's good enough, I could tag him along. Damn it! Why was this happening to me?! I could do nothing right. My phone rang again. This time it was Carlisle. Before I even said anything, he was off and running.

"_Jasper. Bella's decided to come after you. She snuck out-I'm trailing, but I'm too far behind. I'm afraid of what will happen when she gets close to town." _What the hell was she thinking?

"She told me to leave! Why the hell is she coming after me?" I was already running away from the airport-perhaps I could head her off.

"_Son, you should know better. Bella is a newborn, and she's very easily upset. You couldn't possibly think that she _really _wanted you to leave and not come back. When I told her what you were doing, she didn't say anything. I took it as a sign of acceptance-that she was thinking it over. I let her have some time, and when I sent Esme up to check on her she was gone. She left a note."_ Of course she did.

"What did it say?"

"_It said, 'Going to get Jasper. Be Back Soon.'"_ I rolled my eyes. It was like she was going out for a gallon of milk, for Christ's sake!

"I can't believe her. What is she thinking!" I said aloud this time.

"_She doesn't want you to go."_

"I'm not going, Carlisle. I changed my mind. I was just upset. Listen, I'm on my way-I'm going to try and head her off, see if I can catch her before she hits town. I'll call you back." I hung the phone up and ran full speed. How could I have been so doubting? I had reached the outskirts of town and I hadn't crossed her scent yet-this was a good sign. I needed to keep her away from the humans-she would attack otherwise. I crossed the tree line, finally catching her scent. "Bella?" I called, following the trail.

"_Jasper?"_ she answered-she was to the North.

"Bella, listen to me-you have to stop. Stay where you are-I'm coming to get you." I could still smell the humans in the air-we were still too close. Within seconds I reached her. She was feeling guilty.

"I'm sorry I told you to go, Jasper! I was just mad…don't go back to Alice-please. Stay with me." She had crossed the space between us and had my shirt fisted in her hands. I was overwhelmed.

"You want me to stay?" I said dumbly.

"Of course. I'm mad-very mad at what you did. But we can talk about it. I shouldn't have overreacted like that."

"Of course you should have! I did a horrible thing, Bella. And you'll never know just how sorry I really am." I pulled her close, allowing my hands to run through her hair as I breathed in relief.

"I'm sorry too. I can't believe you were going back to Alice! After all she's done to you." I raised my eyebrows at her.

"I was coming back. I changed my mind right before Carlisle called. I'm sorry I left-I should never have done that. But I thought it's what you wanted." She shook her head.

"I was mad. I almost immediately regretted it. Can we just…talk about it when we get back? You are coming back, right?"

"Of course. Yes. I won't leave again." She was pressing her face into my shirt. She was relieved as well-it created an almost euphoric cloud around us. I grabbed her chin in my hand and tilted her face up to look at me. Yes, this is what I wanted. Her. She saw the resolve in my eyes, but she didn't move to stop me. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers. It was heaven. She returned with fervor, twining her hands in my hair as she tried to press herself closer to me. Before I could get too excited, she pulled away.

"Can we…move further into the woods and talk? I need you to explain to me what you were thinking! I don't want to hold a grudge against you for this." I nodded. I was glad that we were doing this now-I didn't want any more tension between us. We moved to where we couldn't smell humans any longer, sitting under a tree. I was going to have to tell her everything about me-things that I'd never even told Alice. But she deserved to know.

"When I was…created, my purpose was to control and destroy. Maria was my boss of sorts, giving me instructions and rewarding me when I did well. I was only meant to handle what she wanted me to, and nothing more. When I left, it was like I was reborn. I didn't know how to act. I wandered with Peter and Charlotte for a while, but I was still unhappy. When Alice found me, it was like everything just clicked into place. Looking back on it now, I wonder if I ever truly did love her. Perhaps I was just glad to have someone guiding me once again, like Maria had? Alice never let me go far on my own-she watched my every move. I was always…in the background. Even with Alice. I wonder if I was just an accessory to her." She listened the entire time.

"Let me see if I understand. You've never really been in control of yourself. You're used to being second-rate. Background noise."

"In a nutshell. So when you told me to leave, it was like I regressed back to those times in the past. Like it was natural for me to be pushed away. I sought out whatever familiar comfort I could find-and Alice called. She was waiting for me, I'm sure. I assume that she saw what happened and was biding her time." She took a moment to squeeze my hand.

"So I can understand why you left. But why did you do…why did you control _me?_"

"There are two reasons. The first because you were so utterly pliable. You took to my manipulations like nothing I've ever seen. It gave me a rush. And when you would moan my name, it was like you honestly wanted me. The second was that it was wonderful to have power like that over you-like I could be in control. It was as if my conscience checked out while I was manipulating you-I had no other thought but _more._" We sat in silence like that for several minutes while she took in everything I had told her.

"I'm sorry I didn't give you the chance to tell me that earlier. Thank you for coming clean." That was it? There had to be more. She watched me for a moment. "Listen. I'm not going to forgive you for this right now, because well, it sucks. But I can see it from your perspective, and I'm glad that you shared those things with me."

"What can I do to make it up to you? I'll do it, whatever it is." I looked at her, pleading. If she wanted the world, she could have it.

"Give me some time to think. I don't want you to go anywhere! Let's go home, but let me work through this on my own. I need to straighten this out in my head."

"Of course. Shall we?" I motioned towards the house, Bella taking off in front of me.

Bella's POV

Wow. So the phrase 'hit with a bus' comes to mind. I knew Jasper had a hell of a past, but I didn't realize the impact that it had on him. I feel kind of violated at what he did-that was what was eating away at me. I hated that he did that to me. But…I can see it from his eyes. That doesn't make any sense. It's not fair, how he was treated. But it wasn't fair the way he treated me. I wasn't going to get anywhere, thinking like this. I was in my room, Jasper in his-he was more than happy to let me have time to myself. I thought about what it was like when Edward would tell me what to do. I remember feeling unhappy about this; how I wished he would let me make my own decisions. Decide what was safe for _me. _

Jasper was reaching out and looking for something to control, and he found me. I wished he wouldn't have. I could hear him pacing in his room. I knew he was sorry. I _knew_ it. I remembered when I was changing, the things that he said to me, and I knew he meant them. He was genuine about everything he said now-I knew it. So I needed to weigh this out.

I was definitely feeling something for him. I didn't want to decipher exactly what it was. And I knew he was genuine. So…what now? I sighed. I wasn't ready to completely forgive him for this. But I wasn't going to pull away from him, either. I wanted to get to know everything about him-all the things he was afraid to tell anyone. I wanted him to let me in. So I was going to have to learn how to trust him again. Starting…

Now.

I headed out of my room and down the stairs, grabbing a movie off the rack as I went. "Jasper?" I called. I heard his pacing stop, and then he was by my side. "How about a movie?" He smiled. We didn't say anything while we watched, we just…were. I was sure he was trying to read everything I was putting off; I didn't know how he was doing.

We were starting over.

No more lies.

Just each other.


	19. I Dare You

**Boy, it's been a while-sorry! I've had a case of the RL blues. But here it is, without further delay!**

**Thanks to cullen818 for being my friend and my beta. Go read her stuff. Thanks to Jaspersexkitten for getting this chapter started with me, and to Clurrabella for, as usual, pulling me back from the ledge I almost jumped from when this chapter wouldn't come.**

Jasper's POV

"What in the world are you doing?" I asked. Currently, Bella was prancing around the living room, re-arranging the furniture. She only stopped long enough to shoot me a cheeky grin before continuing in her quest. She was pulling everything into a circle.

"Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie, Emmett?" she called, and everyone else flitted in. "I want to play a game." Emmett's eyes automatically darted to the PlayStation, but Bella shook her head. "A _real_ game. With all of us."

"What, like Monopoly?" Emmett asked, perplexed. I admit, my curiosity was peaked. Several weeks had passed since my attempt to flee, and Bella and I were…it was hard to describe. I tried, honestly, to be as open as possible with her. I hid nothing. She knew most of my demons. I could feel her trust…it was warm. She was doing her best to forgive me, and I was trying to earn it.

She rolled her eyes at Emmett.

"No. So I was thinking last night that we never just sit and talk anymore." This earned her several odd stares, because in fact we _did _do that-quite a lot. "I don't mean _talking_, I mean…learning about each other. Let's face it-you all have been around for a while. I'm sure there are things about you that I can only imagine. So…Truth or Dare."

_Oh, hell no._

"I'm in." Of course Emmett was in. Any opportunity to embarrass everyone. I looked over at Bella.

"Bella, are you _sure?"_ I asked, catching her eye and directing mine towards Emmett. I felt a moment of hesitation, but she quickly shook it off.

"Yup. So what about the rest of you?"

"What do you say, Carlisle? It might be fun…" Esme chuckled.

"I'm not sure I've ever played before. Bella, you'll have to explain the rules." Carlisle answered. That was good of him. I knew for a fact that, being around as long as he had, there was no way he didn't know the rules. He was giving her a chance to set some ground rules to keep Emmett in check. He knew his family too well.

"It's easy! You get to either pick truth or dare. If you pick truth, the person gets to ask you any question that they want. If you decline to answer, you have to pay a penalty. If you choose dare, you have to do whatever the questioner asks of you. No matter what." _Oh, Bella, what are you thinking?!_

"Well that's simple enough. Rosalie, what do you say?" Carlisle said.

"Oh, this will be too good to pass up." She smirked, joining the rest of us where we were sitting. Bella giggled with glee and took a seat next to Esme.

"I'll go first." Bella's face scrunched up in thought. "Carlisle-Truth or Dare?" She was starting out easy-smart move. Carlisle smiled warmly.

"Truth." Of course.

"If you had 24 hours to live, what would you do with your time?" I had to chuckle at the question-we're immortal after all. Carlisle pondered, a serious expression on his face.

"I would do exactly this. I would gather my family, spend time with them, and go in peace." He nodded, affirming his point. It was exactly as I thought he would answer. Bella grinned, emanating love for her adopted father. Esme squeezed his hand. "So does this mean it's my turn to ask?"

Bella nodded.

He looked around the room before his eyes rested on Rosalie. "Truth or Dare, darling?"

"Truth."

"Name Emmett's most favorable quality in your eyes." Emmett waggled his eyebrows.

"Come on, Rosie baby, you know it's my—" She raised her hand to cut him off.

"I was _going_ to say your sense of humor and your ability to love, before you decided to go all caveman on me." She said bitingly, but there was a smile in her voice. Emmett patted her on the head and then turned to the room. "So, Emmett, dear-truth or dare?"

"Like you even have to ask." He was already on his feet, waiting for Rosalie's instructions. Rosalie put her hand to her chin, thinking.

"I know this is probably predictable, but I never get tired of seeing you eat food. Now, I'm sure there's something in the fridge left over from when Bella was still human. I want to see you eat it." She grinned. And it _was _predictable-I can't count the times over the years where we'd watched Emmett eating human food. It was always funny, and it would always _be_ funny. I heard Esme chuckle. Emmett marched into the kitchen and tore open the fridge door. Rosalie was right-there was a bowl of soup that had been sitting in there for God knows how long. Emmett's nose wrinkled. "Well, honey? Get on with it." Rosalie prodded.

Emmett tilted the bowl and swallowed in one drink. Bella actually dry-heaved. Within seconds, he was running out the back door and towards the tree line, no doubt to throw up the atrocity. After what was, no doubt, an unpleasant affair, he came bounding back into the house.

"My turn." His eyes turned predatory as they fell on me. "Truth or Dare, brother? And don't be a pussy."

"Dare it is." I was going to regret this.

"Kiss Bella."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Kiss Bella! The poor girl's been in need of action for way too long. I'm just helpin' her out." Bella looked at me, eyes wide, and she would be blushing if she could. "Do it." Emmett prodded. I shrugged, trying to act nonchalant, and rose to move towards her. She watched me, and for a moment I thought she would run. But she allowed me to lean forward and cup her face with my hands. I looked into her eyes and pressed my lips to hers.

If I remembered what honey tasted like, this would have been it.

Sweet and heavy; almost enough to intoxicate me. I let my tongue dart out, just briefly, and lick the edge of her bottom lip. Just enough to taste her; tell her I wanted more. I felt her shiver…

Then I pulled away.

Bella's lips were still parted and her eyes were wide. She didn't say anything. I went and sat back down. "It's my turn," I said, never taking my eyes from Bella. She was charged; lustful and excited. My lips still tingled. "Truth or Dare, Bella?" I asked. She wasn't breathing.

"Dare."

"Kiss me again." I licked my lips. At this point, I wasn't aware of my family, no doubt in my mind they were watching what was taking place. I was only aware of Bella-I watched her rise from her seat and walk towards me with purpose. There was an aura of change around her; she was different. She had made a decision. Bella reached where I was sitting, bent forward and grasped my head in her hands-just like I had done to her. She leaned her face closer to mine and kissed me.

I felt it all; the shift in her motives, the realization she had come to, her feelings for me. I was magnifying and projecting, I knew it, but I couldn't help it. These emotions…

And then _she_ pulled away.

Again, her lower lip was firm between her teeth as she moved to sit down. I didn't even know what the rest of the game entailed; I never took my eyes from Bella. Afterwards, I beckoned her towards me. "Would you like to go for a walk?" I asked. In truth, I only wanted to be alone with her again. She smiled and nodded. We walked around the perimeter, not quite venturing into the woods but staying far enough away from the house where we wouldn't be heard. Bella was thinking about something, I could tell-she was feeling a bit nervous.

"I have…an odd question." She wouldn't look at me.

"Anything you ask, I will answer," I told her honestly.

"Will you tell me about the first time? I mean, after you moved in with the Cullen's-the first time you slipped up."

"The first time I slipped up, or the first time the _family_ thought I slipped up?" Well, she told me she wanted to know things about me that no one else knew. This is one. Alice didn't even see this. She stopped short and turned to face me.

"What?"

"When I came to this family, I was very straight forward with them. I told them about my past, and that I didn't know if I could be trusted around humans. I wasn't conditioned to have any self control, as you know. But of course they let me stay anyway, assuring me all the while that they had faith in me and that we would get through it together. I had been with the family for 2 weeks when Edward took me hunting alone." She gasped, and I could tell she was intrigued. This…this wasn't something I had ever felt the desire to share until now. Until I realized that I had no more reason to protect him.

"What are you saying?"

"We got too close to a hiking trail, and came across an injured hiker. Did you know that Edward is faster than me?"

"Oh my God." Bella was shaking her head back and forth and covering her mouth with her hand.

"Don't give me all the credit. I would have taken him in a heartbeat, had I the opportunity. As it were, I arrived in time to pull him away from the body. He didn't take in enough blood to redden his eyes; he was so ashamed. I was eager to fit in and find a place-I offered to take the blame. He let me." She was staring at me like I just admitted to eating the family dog.

"What do you mean, he let you?"

"Just what I said. He had no qualms with me taking the blame. He said he considered it a great favor, and that I was truly a brother to him now. I slipped up myself just a few weeks later." She was still staring at me.

"Nobody has ever put any faith in you, have they?" she whispered, reaching her hand up and touching my face. I looked down at the ground.

"Not until I met you."

**I hope you guys understand why I didn't want to dwell too much on the past couple weeks between them-it's been overdone. I hope you're starting to enjoy their relationship, which will progress-I promise. And don't forget, Eddie's up to something naughty!**


	20. It's Time

**Alright guys, here we go! Thanks so much for all your great reviews last chapter; you have no idea how much I appriciate them, even if I don't get the time to reply to you all. Thanks to cullen818, my beta and my friend.**

**One thing I need you to keep in mind this chapter is that though I didn't document it, Bella's death was fabricated while she changed. I saw no point to write it in, since it's been done and it's a given. **

She looked at me, and a thousand things crossed her face. The strongest emotion I picked up on was resolve. "Jasper, answer a question for me."

"Anything," I responded.

"Will you ever lie to me again?" Was she crazy?

"Never." I locked on her gaze, showing her I meant it. She watched me for a moment, thinking, and then launched herself across the small space between us. Her lips connected with mine, and all I knew was Bella.

A shocked gasp escaped between us as I immediately responded, grasping eagerly at her waist and pulling her towards me. I felt every inch of her that I could; her hair, her face, her arms, every surface available to me. I was free, and I'd never been happier. She was the same; I felt her hands flutter over me, restless. I probed her mouth with my tongue, eager to taste her further. She twisted herself around to where she was straddling me on the ground and fisting her hands in my hair. I pulled away reluctantly, because I had to be sure.

"Bella. This is forever. I can't…I won't have it any other way." Surprisingly, she grinned.

"I know that. And neither would I. I won't fight this anymore. I can't." And she brought her lips to mine again. I focused on feeling nothing but her; her lips and how wonderfully soft they were, how her hair brushed my face, her small hands touching me eagerly as if it was the most natural thing in the world. She brushed her tongue against my lips, learning the feel of me. I let my hands grasp her firm ass, unable to stop from pulling her a little closer to me. She could feel my throbbing erection; there was no doubt about it. Her body shuddered just the tiniest bit, and it hit me why.

She'd never done this before. I let myself pepper kisses down her neck as I thought this through quickly. It wouldn't hurt her; there would be no reason for it to hurt. There would obviously be no blood. So physically, she would be better suited than most human women. But mentally…was she ready?

"You can't take this back, Bella." I murmured against the soft skin of her neck as I cradled her in my arms.

"I know." She whispered, nipping at my ear. She was so calm-I knew she wasn't reacting to her instincts. She was reacting to our chemistry and our desire. Then the only thought I had was making her mine. I let my hands run up her back, under her shirt, and feel the skin there. _Exquisite._ I was ecstatic that she wanted to share this with me, and I wanted to make sure it wasn't something she would forget. I used my fingernail to trail a path from the collar of her shirt downwards to the hem; it ripped all the way. I yanked what remained and tossed it out of my vision. She was pulling at my clothes as well, trying without much grace to remove them. In the end, she settled for my method and ripped my shirt away. She was still straddling my lap; grinding and pushing my painful erection in search of the friction she needed. The pants between us only increased the sensations. I sat up, bringing her with me, and pushed her into the ground behind us. Her legs wrapped around my waist, and it nearly killed me to remove them. Her grunt of frustration told me it was difficult for her as well.

"If I don't get inside of you _right now_, sugar…" I trailed off, enough to convey my meaning. Her eyes met mine, and they were black. It wasn't from hunger. She lifted her hips, allowing me to pull her jeans and her underwear off. I felt a glimpse of embarrassment, but the desire she felt completely shrouded it. She was left in only her bra. I licked my lips. It didn't matter that we were in the dirt. It didn't matter that the family was nearby.

The only thing that mattered was that we were together. She was mine and I was hers.

I watched her for longer than I thought. She lifted herself up on her elbows, reached behind her back, and unsnapped her bra. I had to catch my breath-literally. And I didn't need to breathe. She wanted me to see her, and that meant the world to me. I stood up and unbuckled my pants, trailing them down my hips just a little too slowly. She smirked.

"Get down here, cowboy-I've waited too long for this."

Her words sent me into a near frenzy. I lowered myself back on top of her and attacked her mouth before she could utter another word. My hands explored her body like it was the first time I had touched a woman; cautious, nervous, curious. And her body was flawless, and I was lost in her taste and her smell and the feel of her skin on mine…

She was squirming and pulling, trying to bring my body into closer contact with hers, and I was only too happy to oblige. My tentative fingers moved south until they met her slick folds. "Ungh….Please…" she cried at the contact, like it was the most natural thing in the world for me to be touching her. I let one finger enter her, then two, then three. She met me with each one, eager for more. "Now, Jasper, if you don't do it now I'm going to explode!" she ground out eagerly. _Enough._ I grabbed her hips and thrust. _Yes, fuck yes…_

I wasted no time in increasing my pace, pounding almost relentlessly as we were both reduced to grunts and moans. We were digging a hole in the dirt and it didn't matter. _Oh, God…nothing this good…_ Her nails began to dig into my shoulders and she was arching, and then _fuck_ she was exploding around me, and I couldn't wait any longer. I collapsed on top of her as we gasped in the air that we didn't need.

"I love you Bella." I whispered this into her neck, placing a gentle kiss where the words hit her skin.

"As much as I love you." Was her breathy reply.

Edward's POV

It was unpleasant being on this plane. All these people. I didn't know which was worse-their thoughts or their scents. I decided it was a tie. Every single one of their thoughts shoved themselves into my head, and no matter how hard I tried I would never achieve silence. Only with Bella was there silence. I would have her again.

The plane ride wasn't going to be long, and for that I was grateful. I tried not to let my mind replay the things I had seen when I had been 'home.' All except Bella. My thoughts were for her alone. And how my _brother_ was poisoning her mind and her emotions. She didn't know what she was doing, no matter how sure she said she was. He was sucking her dry. I wasn't going to let that happen. She would be mad at me at first, when she saw my little plan in action, but she would lighten up when she realized I was doing this for her own good. To get her away from him. I didn't look forward to this; I was risking a great chance at exposure here. But I had to get Bella away from him. I had to get her alone. And I knew there were ways to accomplish this. I know who Bella would come for.

"Flight 107 will be landing in Jacksonville in 20 minutes. Prepare for landing."

Alice POV

I saw his sick plan. My brother was gone; what had taken him over? I had thoughts, but none that I can prove. And what did I care, anyway? I had nothing. I almost had Jasper. I was so close to getting him back. Now I had nothing and no one and I would be alone forever. I didn't want that. How had things gone this way? How had this happened? I'd never know. I tried to be so careful. Tried to follow my visions. And everything had gone to hell. Maybe I should just go home. Perhaps Carlisle and Esme would take me back, and I could feel loved again. Yes, maybe that was what I should do.

Bella's POV-the next day

"Jasper? Can we take a trip? When I'm not all bloodthirsty and everything?" I trilled. I was happy. This was what life should be like for everyone. We were together, and I trusted him-I _really_ trusted him. When I asked him yesterday if he'd ever lie to me again, the look in his eyes told me everything I would need to know. I saw his soul, and I saw the truth. And then afterwards…I wanted to blush, and I was glad I couldn't. He was sitting next to me on the couch, flipping through a book he'd probably read a thousand times.

"Where would you like to go?" he murmured, turning to me and smiling.

"England, I think. I've always wanted to go. I would love to hit some of the historic sites over there. Have you ever been?" I brought my legs over to rest in his lap as he discarded his book.

"I have, and it's lovely. I think you'd really like it. So of course we can go." He reached his hand around and pulled my face to his. The tender kiss he gave me…well that was something. Soft, sweet, full of love-I could feel it radiating from him. That was the best part-when he wasn't guarded. Sometimes he forgot he was doing it, and it was wonderful. Because when he was around me, all I could feel was love.

A buzzing sound snapped me from my bliss. Jasper's cell phone was resting on the coffee table and it was ringing. He frowned, but reached forward to answer it. A low growl built in his chest as he saw who was calling.

"What do you want?" he snapped into the phone, motioning for me to stay quiet.

"_I'd like to talk to Bella. I have something of hers." _Jasper tensed, and I was afraid he was going to break the phone. I was scared now. What was he doing? I waved my hand at Jasper, trying to convey that I wanted the phone. He shook his head. I took it anyway.

"What are you doing, Edward?" It was supposed to come out intimidating, but it was more of a whisper, because I was scared. But it wasn't Edward who answered.

"_Bella? What's going on? I thought…you were….dead…." _It was my mom, and she was sobbing. That son of a bitch had my mom.

"Mom? Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" I rushed, hoping she could understand me.

"_What? Yes, I'm fine. This man, Edward, said he knew that you were okay. But I need to know what's going on sweetie." _She was frantic and crying. How could she not be? I'm supposed to be dead, after all. How would I explain that she was in terrible danger?

"Mom, listen to me. I'm coming to get you-I promise I'll explain everything. Just…please be careful. Let me talk to Edward again." I heard the phone shuffle and Edward pick up.

"_I won't hurt her, as long as you come alone. She's such a delightful woman. I look forward to seeing you soon."_ And the phone clicked shut.

Edward had my mom. I had to go get her. I looked at Jasper, who looked like he was about to be sick.

"I have to go get her, Jasper. I have to go. He'll kill her if I don't." And then I sank to the floor and wished I could cry.

**Cue scary music! Now when I originally hinted that Edward would be up to something several chapters back, most of you thought he was going to go after Charlie. But Bella loves her mother too, and feels a greater need to protect her. Edward knew this. I imagine it was quite a shock to Renee when Edward turns up on her doorstep (at night of course) and tells Renee that her daughter is in fact alive. **

**I want to cue you guys in to a couple things I have in the works: A collab with lacym3 under the penname lace kittens-it will prove to be a very yummy story, I assure you! And a new work by myself, titled Awake in the Dark. It's my first attempt at a multi-chap AH story, so be gentle. **


	21. Ruined

**Disclaimer: Not mine-all characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Thanks and kisses to Cullen818 for being my beta goddess and super friend. **

**Some of you will hate me for what is about to happen. (you have been warned)**

Jasper's POV

"Bella, you have to slow down. I know you want to act, but you can't just go flying off to Jacksonville! There will be too many people. You'd never make it without hurting someone." I tried to reason with her, but her grief was too strong. She was terrified for her mother, unable to see the consequences. I couldn't let her go alone; I wouldn't. My words didn't even register as she flew around the room trying to get a bag packed. I walked behind her and grabbed her by the waist. She snarled and spun on me, fury in her eyes.

"Let me go. I have to go. He'll kill her, Jasper! Don't you see? I can't let him kill her!" She was fighting me and winning; before long she had wrenched herself from my grasp. She was digging in the drawer for money not even bothering to count out amounts.

"Carlisle!" I called. I needed his help. Maybe he could get her to see reason. Within a second he was standing in the doorway. He was emanating concern and fear as he watched her throw herself around the room. I looked at him and threw my hands in the air.

"Bella," he said gently, "You can't go alone. It will do more harm than good. I may have a solution, if you'll sit down long enough to hear me." Bella stopped and turned, but her expression wasn't accepting.

"You can't talk me out of this, Carlisle. I have to save her." Her tense posture was fading; I could see the longing in her eyes to run to him and be embraced like a child. For him to tell her all the answers.

"I would expect nothing less of you. But Jasper is right; it's too dangerous. If you'll sit down for just a minute, I'll explain what I'm thinking." Looking dubious, she followed Carlisle. He was thinking something, that was for sure, but he hadn't yet shared it with me. We walked down the hall towards his study; he called the rest of the family on the way in. Once we were gathered, he turned to face us. "I think something is wrong with Edward." At this statement, Emmett actually laughed.

"Carlisle. Pops. It's pretty obvious something's wrong with Edward. What's your angle?"

"I know my son. And when he left that day with Alice, he wasn't like he is today. He only became that way after going…" he trailed off. I could see where he was going with this and I didn't like it. He was trying to make excuses for Edward's behavior.

"Carlisle, you can't be serious! There is no excuse for his behavior!" He raised his hand to silence me.

"I understand your feelings on this issue, Jasper, but please-hear me out. We are on borrowed time here, and must work quickly." I took my seat again next to Bella on the couch. He turned back towards the family. Bella reached over and twined her hand with mine; the tension she was feeling was almost crippling. She wanted to act, not sit. "I only just recently began piecing this together; I'm not sure why I didn't see it before. You know I spent time with the Volturi while I was in Italy. Upon my departure, they had acquired…a new member, so to speak. A woman by the name of Lucinda. Her power was only just developed, but it was strong. And dangerous."

"What kind of power?" Rosalie asked. She was leaning forward and frowning. I had trouble understanding her emotions.

"She had a great influence over people. She could intertwine her will with the inner-workings of others minds; almost as if she took them over completely. It was the Volturi's way of tying the members of the guard to them. As I said, her powers were only just developed when I left; I imagine they're much stronger now." Realization was dawning around the room; Emmett muttering curses, Rosalie shaking her head. Esme actually placed her hand over her heart and gasped.

"Are you saying that you think this is what happened to Edward? That he's been influenced by this person? This…Lucinda?" Esme was looking up at her husband, pain etched on her face; but she couldn't hide what she was feeling. _Hope._ Hope that her first and best son could be saved.

"I can't be sure. If this is the case, she must have immense power-to have this effect on him so far away. But I believe this is a definite possibility." His eyes met Bella's then, and she understood.

"How can we find out? If we can get them to stop this, to let him go, then he'd leave my mother alone-right?" She was grappling with intense hope and a deep sorrow; I wished I could help her calm down. But I wouldn't manipulate her, not when she needed to feel this.

"I'm not sure. We'll have to make a call to the Volturi; I'm not sure how receptive they'll be. Aro has always coveted Edward, he'll not want to let him go easily. And that leaves us with another issue. We can't tell him the reason that we need him released, or else your mother will be in more trouble than she is now." Bella gasped.

"What do we tell them then? They'll need a valid reason." Esme chimed.

"We'll have to tell them he's breaking the rule. We'll tell them we think he'll stop if he could just see reason." Emmett was quick with his reasoning. I could feel his excitement at the prospect of getting his brother back.

"But then what? He'll have to pay for what he's done. There's got to be some other way." Rosalie reached around to pull Emmett close to her. Everybody sat in silence for an immeasurable amount of time.

"There's a way." Carlisle said at last. All eyes were on him as he strode to the middle of the room. "I don't like it, but I can see no other way around it. I'll offer them a favor." This meant more to him than it did to the rest of us; we just looked at him waiting for further explanation. "The Volturi, regardless of what you may think of them, are a very diplomatic family. They do not expect that the rest of us owe them for doing what they do. And in return, we do not expect things from them. But in cases as such, when we desperately need something from them, we offer them a favor. We offer to be called upon whenever and wherever they need. And do exactly what they ask. It's not something to be taken lightly." He ran his hands through his hair.

"Is this the only way?" Esme asked, immense worry wrapping around her like a blanket. He looked grave when he answered her.

"I think so. We can't risk telling him what Edward's done, they'll kill him. And we can't put Bella's mother in danger either. I'll make the call now."

It was Bella who stood up first. "And if it's not Lucinda? If he's really gone off the deep end?" She asked. She didn't want to believe that he was good. She didn't want to deal with that. Neither did I.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there." He walked from the room and pulled out his cell phone. I stood up and wrapped my arms around Bella, simply to have her near me. I couldn't stand the way she was feeling. The way _everyone_ was feeling. She immediately turned to face me, burying her face in my chest.

"I don't know how to feel. If it wasn't his fault…" she couldn't finish. I didn't know what to say to her, so I let my hand trail through her hair.

"I know. Me either." I had no words for this. We could hear Carlisle talking, but I, at least, didn't bother to listen. I didn't want to. Unfortunately, it was only moments later that he walked back into the room. No one was breathing. Moving. Only watching.

"It's Lucinda's influence."

I closed my eyes and pulled Bella tighter to my body. I could feel her dry sobs. It wasn't his fault…but _How could I not hate him?_

"And now?" Esme whispered.

"And now it's been removed." I sank to the floor with Bella in my arms.

Edwards POV

I felt as though I was buried in a fog. Like I couldn't remember where I was or what had happened. It was like I was looking back through human memories, but I hadn't been human in a hundred years. I looked around; I was in an unfamiliar place. I took in a deep breath to try and get a feel for where I was, but suddenly I smelled a human. My head whipped to the right.

_Oh, no._ Renee. My life flashed before me. _What have I done?_ I jumped up and sped across the room to where I saw my phone sitting. Renee looked at me, looking frightened.

_What's he doing now? Oh, I wish Bella would hurry up…I can't fathom what reasons she would have to lie to me…to live through her death? And this boy….what was so important about her to this boy? _Her thoughts were rampant, but calm. I hadn't hurt her. I had called Bella. Told her I had her mother.

I made her drink from a human. I let my hands fist in my hair as I dropped to my knees. What happened to me? How? Why?

I had to make this right. Now. I picked up the phone and walked into the bathroom. Carlisle would know. He would believe me. I dialed his number and hoped that he would answer.

"_Edward. I'm not surprised to hear from you._"

"Carlisle…I don't know what's happened. I…I wasn't myself. Can you believe me? I never meant….never wanted to hurt anyone. And Bella-please tell her I'm sorry. Tell her I didn't…I don't…" I couldn't finish. A choked sob escaped my lips.

"_Edward. Are you in your own mind now?" _What?

"Yes…do you know what happened to me?" I sucked in a deep breath.

"_Lucinda had you under her influence, son. She was controlling you. I am correct to assume that she is no longer?"_

"I've done things…unforgivable things. And I didn't want to. Aro wanted me to feed from humans, and I refused. He forced one in front of me. That's the last thing I truly remember doing on my own. The rest-it feels like walking through fog. I remember them, but I don't remember the reasoning. Why I did them. My thoughts weren't mine." _He had to believe me. If anyone would, it had to be Carlisle._

"_I know. But you don't have just me to apologize to. You've hurt the family, you've hurt Bella. I understand that things happened to you against your will, but you have to repent for your actions regardless. Is Renee safe?" _

"Of course. She doesn't…I didn't tell her anything about us. But she's going to expect to see Bella. Or at least talk to her. If you can arrange that, I'll be happy to take her home." _And then I would go home and make amends. Get back to Bella._

"_That can be arranged. But…Edward? Can you remember everything?"_ What an odd question.

"Yes. It's vague, but it's there."

"_Do you remember that Bella is with Jasper now? Because you took it quite badly before. I need to know, before I allow you to come home to make amends, that you will not cause her anymore grief." _

"I…remember. I want to see her; apologize to her. I never wanted to hurt her. I owe her an explanation, and I hope in turn she'll share her story with me." I would pay my penance to her again. I would do it right.

"_Of course. That will be up to her. Until then, please hand the phone to Renee-I'm going to put Bella on. We'll see you soon." _

I carried the phone into Renee and didn't bother to mutter an explanation. My whole life. Destroyed. I was ruined, and in turn I'd ruined others.

I'd ruined Bella. Again and again I ruined her.

I'd ruined it all.

**Now, I know that some of you questioned exactly what happened to Edward when he went to Italy. And I know we all love to hate him, but I had to justify his actions. To me, Edward wouldn't just switch off like that-he's too focused on being good. **

**There are still things to wrap up, guys, so this isn't the end!!**


	22. Forgiveness is Divine

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Sorry. **

**I will apologize a bit for the length of this, but I don't want to cram too much into one chapter, I want you guys to be able to enjoy it without getting overloaded. And the next few chapters promise to be heavy. So, yes, it's on the short side, but you love me anyway. *wink* **

**Thanks as usual to cullen818, for being my beta. She's so great, it's hard to even describe.**

_Jasper_

Bella had just hung the phone up after speaking to her mother. She tried to form a suitable explanation as to why she wasn't going to be able to come down. Why she was alive when everyone else thought she was dead. She said that she had run away with me and wanted to start a new life, and this was the only way she could think of to do just that. I thanked the heavens that it was Renee that Edward had decided to kidnap, because Charlie wouldn't have believed it. But Bella knew that she could play on her mother's insecurities and remind her of her despair when she herself had lived in Forks. Renee thought Bella was being flighty and irresponsible, but she didn't reprimand her. She made Bella promise to keep in contact with her and in turn, Bella made _her_ promise not to say anything about her to anyone else.

She came over to me and sat down, placing her face in her hands. I rubbed circles on her back and waited for her to speak first. We had a lot to discuss and not a lot of time to do it, but I didn't want to rush her. Her head lifted just enough to peek at me through her fingers. "I can't believe this is happening." She was feeling absolutely exhausted, which wasn't easy for our kind.

"Me either. I don't know how to feel." It was the honest truth, and it was scary. It was so easy to hate Edward for what he had done, but now? Now I knew it wasn't really him, and I didn't know what to make of that.

"I know. I want to hate him. After everything he did…but I can't. I just…can't." She leaned into me this time and I embraced her. She had mirrored my thoughts exactly. I could hear the rest of the family on the other side of the door; feel their restlessness and anger and fear.

"The family is waiting for us. We need to talk with them, figure things out. He's coming, soon, and we need to know what we're going to do when he gets here." She sighed and pushed herself closer into my side.

"Okay. Let's go." She stood up and pulled me to my feet and together we walked out of the bedroom. The rest of the family was just as tense as we were; it was written on their faces. "I cleared things up with Renee as best as I could," Bella told them, knowing full well that they heard every word she said. "What…what are we going to say to him?" she added quietly. I felt her fingers clench around mine. This time it was Carlisle who sighed.

"He is my son, and he was not himself. I can't hold that against him." Carlisle's words were fierce, but his face was crumpled in a frown. He wasn't as confident as he appeared.

"But how do we forgive?" I couldn't help but ask. I couldn't see a way. Bella's face echoed my question. The room was silent as everyone thought.

"Let's hear his apology. He sounded utterly sincere on the phone, and I feel that we should give him the benefit of the doubt." Esme responded, and her emotions were now following her words. She turned to Bella. "Will you be okay to talk to him?" she asked. Bella's fingers tightened, again, on mine.

"I don't know. I can't…I can't look at him the same. I know it wasn't him, I do, but…I can't get past it. I'll try." It was the best answer she could give. "How long until he comes back?" a whisper this time, fear piercing through her.

"It shouldn't be long. A few hours, at most." Carlisle's response sent Bella into a near panic.

"Bella, let's go back into the bedroom for a while." She looked at me, grateful, and glided through the door without any further prompting. I gave a knowing look to Esme before closing the door behind us. I grabbed her and pulled her onto the bed, stroking her face with my hands. "Do you want my help? Let me relax you-I don't want you on edge until he gets here." I asked, wanting nothing more than to soothe her.

"Please." She snuggled into my chest and I hit her with a coma-inducing wave of lethargy-had she been human she would have gone under in a second. "Thanks," she mumbled. We lay like that for hours. I tried to make sense of this whole situation, over and over again, but I couldn't. Wouldn't Edward have seen the intent in the heads of the Volturi? I wanted to get past all this. I didn't want to have to deal with Edward anymore. I wanted to take Bella and be alone with her forever. This thought brought with me the fear at the forefront of my mind. When Edward made his apology, and looked at Bella with his pleading eyes, would she want him again? I knew she said that she couldn't forgive, but it was impossible for her. She'd forgive him. Would she want _me_ anymore? I could hear Carlisle's phone ring in the other room-I tensed to listen.

Edward was outside.

I pulled my hold off of Bella, and she regrettably snapped out of it. She had heard the conversation as well, and her panic was flooding back at record speed. "Can we stay in here, just at first?" she asked, pleading with her eyes and clutching my shirt.

"Of course. We don't have to go out at all if you're not ready. He'll understand." It made me sick to say the words, but it was true. We listened as the door creaked open and Edward walked in. I was hit with such a powerful feeling of remorse…

It was all true.

"_I can't…tell you how sorry I am. I'll do whatever you say-answer any questions you have. But please know-it wasn't me." _ He actually sobbed a bit, and I could hear someone move towards him-Esme.

"_Sit down, Edward, and start from the beginning. Tell us what happened."_ Carlisle this time, urging him on. Bella was listening as well.

"_Alice sent me to the Volturi-she said they would come for Bella if I didn't. I went, and they held me there. Aro threatened to kill Bella if I didn't offer to join the guard. They already had some of the guard in the United States, waiting for his instructions. I complied. They held me for days, waiting for me to grow hungry. He wanted me to drink from humans. I begged him to let me continue with our diet, but he said no. "We do this as a family." Were his words. He took me to the chamber, where the rest of the family and the guard waited, and that's the last I remember doing of my own free will. I remember everything else, but it was like…watching through a fog. I was me, but I wasn't. And I've done…Oh, God-I've done horrible things." _ Another sob. Bella was clutching me tightly, and I knew she was affected by his speech. Pity. I could feel pity from every direction.

"I have to talk to him, Jasper." Bella whispered, and it was just as I thought. She was unable to hold a grudge in this situation. I nodded, and opened the door. He looked up, fierce hope and shame shooting through him simultaneously. He stumbled to rise to his feet.

"Oh, God. Bella. Please….I'm so sorry," he was crying to the best of his ability. "I never, _never_ would have done those things-you know that right? Tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it. I want to make this right. Whatever it takes. Just…please." The last came out as a whisper as he begged and begged with his eyes, his hands outstretched as if to touch her. She was breathing deep; I could see her mind searching for the right words. The rest of the family didn't exist. It was Bella and it was Edward. Bella and Edward.

I imagined what she was thinking about: Edward, forcing the human on her. Edward, kidnapping her mother. Edward, telling her he loved her. I couldn't see how she could decide. How she could forgive him. How she couldn't. She hadn't taken her eyes from his.

"Edward…I…" it was like she couldn't find the words. There was no doubt in my mind that he was absolutely truthful and sincere. And in that moment, I decided that I couldn't hold it against him. I couldn't make him pay for what he'd done, when it wasn't truly him. I approached Bella quietly and whispered in her ear.

"He's telling the truth, honey. It's all true." I said the words to her because I couldn't stand to watch her worry. She looked at me and asked a completely different question with her eyes. "You can forgive him." I told her. I wanted her conscience to be clear, and it wouldn't be if she let this unfounded grudge hang over her head.

"Stay with us, Edward, and we'll make it right again." She told him, and he fell to her feet in thanks.

"Thank you. Thank you so much. I want to stay, to make this right. I want things to be normal again." _Would_ things be normal again? I couldn't see how_. I don't want her to love him again._ His head turned in my direction, but there wasn't any hostility in his eyes.

"I won't try and take her from you, Jasper. I know she loves you." He said, and again he spoke the truth. Carlisle had left the room momentarily to answer the phone, and when he came in, I could tell it wasn't a call he wanted.

"I hate to interrupt, but it seems as though Edward isn't the only one who wants to come home. I just spoke with Alice."

Would we _ever_ be left in peace again?

**You knew she'd want to come back. And I hope you agree with the way I had the Cullens recieve Edward-think about it. If you were in their position, what would you have done?**

**I've got a new story going: Awake in the Dark. It's AH, and full of Jasper. Gigalosper, to be precise.**


	23. But Sometimes You Can't Forgive

**Disclaimer: SM is the queen bee here, I just borrow. **

**So yeah. This chapter kind of kicked my butt. I hope it's worth it.**

"No."

"_Hell_ no!"

"You've _got_ to be kidding me!"

The protests and cries of outrage were coming from everybody in the family; even Esme looked disturbed. Emotions were hitting me from all sides-anger, fear, worry…none of them positive. Edward looked furious. How could anyone blame him? It was her fault-all of it. I couldn't help but think how drastically things would be different if Alice hadn't gone chasing visions. I'd still be with her, and Bella…Bella would still be with Edward. He looked at me quickly before turning his head away, running his hand through his hair. His pain at my statement wasn't a surprise. Carlisle held up his hand, asking everybody to stop.

"Enough. We need to discuss this as a family." He sighed. "I realize there's a lot to take in right now, but it appears as though we're going to have to deal with everything at once. Alice knows we aren't happy with her; she wants to come plead her case. I can't stop her, but we need to know what we're going to do." Rosalie was snarling quietly in the corner, and I could only imagine what she was thinking.

"I don't want that conniving bitch back in this house," she spat, almost reading my thoughts.

"I'm going to have to agree with the wife on this one," Emmett said, his face sour.

"She's coming, there's no stopping her." Carlisle said again. He was worried; he didn't want this to get out of hand. Judging from the emotions in the room, I'd say that it was a distinct possibility. Bella was growling steadily next to me, her fury the strongest.

"No." She ground out. I reached over to take her hand, trying to calm her, but she shook me off. "I'll rip her apart. I swear to it." She was shaking her head, practically vibrating she was so angry. Esme looked like she was going to come forward, but I shook my head. Now was not the time.

"Jasper, maybe you should take Bella away while Alice is here." Carlisle hedged, his worry increasing. I was going to agree with him, but Bella was shaking her head.

"Oh, no. She's not running me out of my house. If she thinks she has the right to come back, she can face the consequences." She was still growling-there would be no stopping her. I couldn't force myself to worry though, not like Carlisle. Alice would only get exactly what she deserved. She had to see it coming, it wasn't as if it'd be a snap decision on any of our parts. Bella was practically salivating for the opportunity to cause her harm, and Rosalie was almost matching her anger. And Edward…they were always the closest of the family, but that was over. When she asked him to leave with her, that ended. "I'm sick to death of this. I want to end it all, and I want to be able to live my life. But I'll tell you this-if she stays, I go." Her voice rang with finality. There was no need for me to say anything about that. If she was going, I was going. It was bad enough already; if I didn't love them so much I'd ask to leave now.

"How long?" I asked, and it was an echo of just the other day with Edward. It was the same scenario, but a completely different motive.

"Soon-very soon. She wasn't far when she decided to call; she probably figured we would evacuate." The worst part was it would have been true.

"So what? What are we going to say to her? She can't stay, you know that-right?" I was speaking more to Esme than to anyone; it was her nature to forgive. I could see it now, in her eyes; the desperation. She wanted so badly to think that, like Edward, Alice had an excuse. Unfortunately, I was certain that she acted of her own accord.

"We'll listen to her because we have no choice. But we'll have to tell her to go. I don't see how she can stay." This was destroying Carlisle. I didn't know how much more any of us could take. I was sick to the core. The words sounded funny in my brain; I was going to have to tell her to leave and never come back. Alice, who saved me the first time. Alice, who convinced Edward to bring Bella to us, and in turn to me. This mess was all her fault, but from the beginning, she was always there. When she knocked on the door, we still didn't know what to say.

Carlisle answered, looking grim. "Alice," he said, motioning for her to come in. She looked at all of our faces, and nobody would meet her eyes. She was destroyed. It was the most horrible thing I'd ever seen-she paced around the room like she was in a circle full of lions, gasping for breath and pulling her hair.

"I can't stay? You don't want me to stay?" she repeated, over and over, as she passed by each of us. Bella was reeling behind me, shocked by Alice's disoriented state. It was going to have to be me. I had to tell her. I sucked in a deep breath and turned to face her where she stood.

"Alice. Look at what you've done. Look at Edward-you've ruined him! This family was ripped apart at its seam because of you. Edward's lost his mind, you left me in ruins, and because of you Bella had her heart broken! And the things that you knew, and didn't bother to tell us? The things you could have prevented? I know you can't see everything, Alice, but you saw some of it. Don't try and tell me you didn't. So no-you can't stay. We are going to try and rebuild our lives, and I'm sorry, but you can't be a part of it." I was fighting to keep it together. I felt like I was going to shatter into pieces. I destroyed her. I _felt_ it. Felt her breaking and falling into despair. I had to turn away.

"And this is how you all feel? Esme?" she turned to the weakest of the group. Esme turned her face into Carlisle's chest.

"I can't forgive what you've done-not now. I'm so sorry." Esme was sobbing. I hated my power right now, hated it with every fiber of my being. Too much pain. Everybody's pain. Alice's was the worst. It wasn't just despair, it was desperation. This was her last chance, she was on her last leg.

"Carlisle? Carlisle, please-you're the only family I have!" she cried, and she actually fell forward and clutched his shirt. He was brave enough to meet her eyes as he gathered her hands in his.

"You have, purposely, committed acts against this family. You have damaged Edward in such a way that I worry he may not recover. What you did to Edward didn't just affect him; in turn, it caused Bella to commit horrible acts. I can't, and I won't, look past that. You can't stay here, not now. Maybe later, when the wounds have healed." He let her hands drop. She turned to Rosalie, but the look on Rose's face was enough to make her keep going. She circled a few times, and then her shoulders slumped.

Then she turned to face Bella. "You can't possibly be angry at me. Because of what I did, you got Jasper." She said it more out of spite than anything, I could tell. She blamed Bella. Bella snarled, and I grabbed onto her wrist.

"You didn't see what I did when you left him. I picked him up. You broke everybody. I thought you loved us!" she shrieked, and I could barely contain her. "Get out, get out, _get out!_" Alice's eyes lingered on Bella's for a moment before turning.

"You don't want me. No one wants me. What am I supposed to do now?!" it was more of a wail than anything; she was clutching her spiky hair and shaking her head from side to side. I felt like the cruelest kind of person, and I imagine my family was thinking much of the same. She brought me to them, she stayed with them, loved them…and we were letting her walk out the door. When she reached the door, she turned back to face us. "For what it's worth, I learned my lesson." She didn't bother to even shut the door on the way out.

"Oh, that was just _terrible._" Esme said as she collapsed into Carlisle's arms. He rubbed soothing circles onto her back, looking grim. "Did we do the right thing? How could we have?" she asked.

"I don't know. I don't know." Carlisle told her.

"That bitch got what she had coming to her," Rosalie said. Emmett didn't reply, but I could see the agreement in his eyes.

"Rosalie-please. Don't you see what this has done to Esme?" Carlisle was reprimanding, but he wasn't disagreeing.

"She had to have known this was our decision. Maybe she was counting on our sensitivity. What do you think will happen to her now?" I mused. Why else would she subject herself to this?

"You know she knew. She was just hoping. I'm glad she's gone." I'd never heard Bella so spiteful before. Rosalie's eyes caught Bella's and in that moment they were truly sisters.

"I don't know what she'll do now; possibly head to the Denali's? She'd be most likely to seek out a friendly family. I can't imagine her becoming nomadic." Alice needed other people, she couldn't stand being alone. Bella's arm snaked through mine and she pulled me close.

"Are you okay? That must have been difficult for you," she asked. The eyes in the room turned to me.

"I am. I hate that we had to turn her away, but she's not our Alice anymore. She's someone completely different. Maybe, one day, she'll return to herself and we can be friends again." Forever was a long time to hold a grudge. Bella's eyebrows raised, and I could see the skepticism in them. She didn't believe Alice would change, but I did. I didn't want to hate her forever.

"What do _we_ do now?" Esme asked from the comfort of Carlisle's arms.

"Start over. Edward needs us right now, and we need to reconnect as a family." Edward hadn't said anything until Carlisle's response.

"You don't have to waste your pity on me." He said, dejected.

"We're not. You've been through something terrible, as have we. We need to work through it together." Carlisle was firm on this. He wanted Edward back to normal. I hated to tell him that was a long shot. "We've got to do this, or else what have we become?" I saw his perspective; he'd worked his whole existence to stand up against the norm of our kind. If we fell apart now, what would happen to us?

"I agree. We need to start over-together." It was Bella. She was looking around the room, meeting everybody's eyes. "We should start looking for a new house. As long as it's far enough away from people, we should be all right. This house is too tainted right now with memories. We need a fresh start." She was nodding now, and I could see the agreement in everybody's faces.

"You're right. Esme-will you work on this? I'll begin to tie things up here." Carlisle bent down to kiss Esme's forehead.

***wrings hands* is it okay? And if you can't tell, sadly, this will be wrapping up soon enough. Jasper's desperate for some down time with Bella, so I kind of have to listen to him. He's agreed to a few more chapters, tho, so no worries. **


	24. A Calling in of Favors and Spoken Truths

**Disclaimer: SM owns all characters.**

**My beta, cullen818, got this back to me so fast it was almost impossible. I think she beat the time/space ratio or something. Thank you as always.**

**The End.**

"So you're sure you don't mind if we run a little bit behind?" Bella asked Esme for the thousandth time. She was genuinely concerned that Esme would be angry. I wanted to spend some alone time with Bella before we relocated, and this was the best way. I asked her if she'd mind staying behind a few days, and she was eager for it. But since everybody knew what we'd essentially be doing, she was embarrassed.

"Bella, honey, no offense, but I'd rather you stay here with Jasper for a bit. It's probably better for everybody." She smiled warmly and touched Bella's cheek with her hand. Emmett snickered from the corner. I shot him a warning glare and pulled Bella to me.

"You worry too much. They've got to go and set up the house; we'd just be in Esme's way. And," I pulled her closer so I could whisper in her ear, "I've been dying to be alone with you for _days."_ She kissed me quickly on the cheek before smiling and turning away.

"Heard that, just so you know," Emmett called as he walked out the front door towards the car. Rose giggled and followed him out, followed closely by Edward. He wanted no part in this conversation, so he kept going. Carlisle and Esme were last.

"See you in a few days," Esme said, kissing each of us before heading out. Carlisle just rolled his eyes and patted Bella on the head.

And finally, _finally_ we were alone. I stood, tense, until the family was out of range before I all but pounced on Bella. Her hands were in my hair within seconds, her legs around my waist in a few more. I let myself kiss every inch of her face and neck that I could reach while I began yanking clothes off of her. She was skilled and strong; there was no need for me to support her. Her cotton bra held her breasts up nicely, but not as good as my hands could. I unhooked it and discarded it, effectively placing my hands in its place. "Have I ever told you how much I fucking _love _your breasts?" I murmured as I sucked on her taut nipples. She didn't answer, instead managing to grip me tighter and push her core against me. She was maintaining herself with her legs as she pulled at my shirt; I pushed her down long enough to scramble us both out of our pants before scooping her into my arms and running to the bedroom.

She had barely reached the bed before I entered her, wasting no time and pushing to the hilt.

"Holy Fuck, Jasper!" she cried, and I wasn't in the mood to tell her it was anything but holy what we were doing. I let her flip over to where she was riding me, and she immediately bent forward to kiss my face. "I'm in charge right now," she growled, and then she pulled off of me. I was going to complain until I realized she had turned around and was facing the opposite direction.

Holy Shit. Reverse Cowgirl.

She placed herself over my cock and descended so slow it was almost illegal. When she was finally completely down, I thought I would come undone. The view was spectacular; Bella's beautiful ass bouncing up and down, the side view of her breasts…

She picked up the pace, grasping my legs for support as she searched for her release. Mine was close; each thrust brought me closer.

Moments later Bella's back arched and I felt her tense around me; that was all I needed. We came together, long and hard. She climbed off and moved to cuddle with me, and I accepted her with open arms.

Two Months Later, Bella's POV

"Tell me what it was like, when you realized you were in love with Jasper," Edward asked. We were perched on a tree branch, having the talk that we'd needed to have for a long while. He wanted to know everything, and I deserved to tell him. He found that, even though he could remember doing things, he couldn't' remember the details-the emotions specifically. He knew I was with Jasper, but he wanted to know _how._

"It was…hard. I didn't feel like I had any right to have those feelings for him; clearly I was unwanted. He had been left behind just like me, though, so I felt as though we had something strong in common." His eyes held nothing but sadness, and in them, I could see it all. If he had stayed, none of this would have happened. We'd still be together. He was sure of this; I didn't have to read minds to know.

"I'm meant to be with Jasper, Edward. I'm not sure if anything you could have done would change that." He'd never see it that way, but I was convinced.

"Tell me what you felt when I made you feed from the human." He cringed at the thought.

"I was sick. Sick to my core. I was angry at you, yes-but at myself more. I wanted to be able to resist, but I didn't even think about it. I was angry with you afterwards." He hadn't met my eyes yet. "Do you remember how you felt? I know you have trouble remembering your emotions, but…" I trailed off, knowing he would catch my meaning.

"I wish I could. I remember wanting you so much that I would do anything, and it was like the reasonable part of my brain had shut off. I just acted. And even then it's fuzzy. Like remembering motions but not seeing them through." He shook his head. After being back together, as a family, for the last two months, if I ever doubted Edward was sincere I didn't any longer. He was miserable; I'd never seen him so dejected. Jasper could barely stand to be in the same room with him. I was trying my best to help him, but I doubted I was doing any good. He still loved me, and he couldn't get over it. But he needed the support of his family, and I wasn't about to do anything but support him. I wanted to say something-_anything_-to help ease his guilt.

"Look at me, please, Edward-you can't avoid meeting my eyes forever." He glanced at me, unhappily staring into my eyes. "I know you love me, but do you trust me?" I asked him.

"Yes," he replied simply.

"Then trust me when I tell you that you _can't_ let this control you. You had no power over your actions. You didn't see it coming, you couldn't prevent it, and there's no way you could have escaped with your life. I need you to be okay, Edward. I may love Jasper now, but that doesn't mean I can't love you as a brother. And as my brother, I need you. This. Was. Not. Your. Fault." And then I did something that surprised even me-I pulled him into an embrace. His sharp intake of breath caught in his throat as he let his arms wind around my waist.

"Bella," and it was a cry of defeat. I was his submission. He sobbed into my neck as I ran my hands through his hair.

Six months from the move, Alice's POV

I would suck this up. I _could_. They would forgive me, some day. They needed time, and I needed time. Time to get my head on straight. I knew where to go, who to spend time with; they were south of here. It surprised me that they were this far south, actually, because I would have thought he of all people would steer clear of this area. But who was I to judge? That was a lesson I'd learned the hard way. I would call first, because it wasn't polite to just drop in. Again-consider that lesson learned. I took out my phone and dialed.

"Peter? It's Alice. Would it be okay if I came down for a visit? I need…company."

One Year post-move, Carlisle's POV

I looked around the room at my family. Jasper and Bella were watching a movie, snuggled on the couch. Emmett and Rosalie were next to them. Edward was perched on a chair, chatting with Esme in the corner. He was trying; every day was a struggle for him. But whatever Bella had said to him so many months ago was what he needed to hear. He no longer moped around the house, and he didn't carry the heavy shoulders of guilt like he used to. Coming to terms with what had happened to him was a difficult task. It wasn't just what happened with the Volturi; it was what happened with Bella. He loved her as much as he always did; it killed him to see her with Jasper. But she was happy, and he would never jeopardize that. He was even learning to speak to Jasper again, and Jasper was making a valiant effort to be sympathetic to Edward. It didn't help, of course, that Jasper could feel Edward's unwavering love for Bella, but that couldn't be helped. I enjoyed sitting and watching them be themselves like this, until I was interrupted by the buzzing in my pocket.

I sighed when I realized who was calling. I knew it would only be a matter of time before I got this phone call. I got up and stole out of the room quickly, trying not to bring any attention to my departure.

"Aro, my friend. To what do I owe the pleasure?" I heard his chuckle on the other end of the line at my formality.

"_I'm calling in my favor. It's sooner than I had anticipated, but something has come up."_ I waited for him to continue. "_It seems as though something has happened in the South. Now, I don't want to send my guard for something so minor. I wonder if your family would care to take care of it for me?"_

_What could have come up that we could take care of _I asked, wondering silently to myself. I could tell that my family was listening as well, my attempt at stealth failing.

"_There is one down there that is causing problems. She has attempted, on several occasions, to coerce nomads into doing her bidding, whatever her vendetta may be. I need you and yours to stop her. Stop her, and bring her to me."_ The ominous feeling I had was growing stronger by the minute.

"Who, Aro?" No point in beating around the bush.

"_One Alice Brandon. It seems she no longer goes by Cullen any longer. You assured me of your service, Carlisle," _he reminded me. I took a deep breath. There was nothing on this earth I wouldn't trade to get out of this. But perhaps, if he wasn't sending the guard, we could work something out. Something safer. I could save her, I was sure.

"Of course I did, Aro. I won't back out. She won't be harmed?"

"_No. And be speedy, Carlisle-don't let this get out of hand._" He hung up. I turned to head back into the other room.

"Carlisle, we can't!" It was Esme's pleas I heard first. I moved to her side and embraced her.

"I fear as though we have no choice. But the Volturi aren't sending the Guard to assist, perhaps there is another way."

"What other way could there be, Carlisle? And what point is there?" Jasper's anger at his former mate was strong.

"I won't let her be harmed, no matter what she's done. She's grief-stricken, Jasper-we all but cast her aside! I won't let her be killed." I met everybody's eyes with my own, showing I was serious. "Any more arguments?"

No other voices spoke up.

**So yeah, this is the end. But wait! Don't go throwing stones yet. The reason this is the end is because the plot line for Control has been completed. If you couldn't tell, I'm planning on a sequel. I've still got some planning to do, but I'm definitely going to go with it. So thanks to all you guys for reading and joining me in this great story, because I had such a blast. I hope you'll put me on alert so we can follow our favorite family even further!**

**The Darlins are hosting the 2nd annual Everything's Bigger in Texas awards-get your nominations in now at: http://jaspersdarlins(dot)blogspot(dot)com we love them!! **


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